Tag: #CauseAChatter

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Steps To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself #MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

I am a failure, life has been unfair to me, I deserve only bad things in life, these are some of the examples, when a person feels sorry for himself/herself. Self pity feeds on itself. When we reckon a sorrowful image and a lack of faith, things tend to go wrong, which will give you more reasons to feel sorry for yourself. It is a vicious cycle and if it continuous long enough, you run the risk of appearing pathetic and miserable.

But do you think people get trapped in this kind of behavior voluntarily? of course not. Life is not easy , in face it is not meant to be easy. I know this is the last thing one like to here when you are in the midst of self pity. You don’t get what you deserve, relationships ends, and life becomes a struggle. There can be multitude of things that don’t go the way you want them to so it’s quite natural to feel sorry for ourselves.

And when so much is going on in life, its absolutely Ok to have the blues for a while, in fact, it is important to feel the emotion instead of suppressing it. However, it becomes a problem when you get stuck in self pity and it becomes your default action.

But when you get stuck in this kind of feeling it means that you are following the path of nerve learning from your mistakes and at the same time you ate stopping yourself from being empowered.

Do you know if you get trapped in this kind of mind set for a long period of time there is a great amount of possibility of leading thyself into some kind mental health conditions which can be really matter and life threatening.

Even more alarming; recently I have read an article written in The Independent states that says, self pity can be as bad for your heart as smoking 20 cigarettes a day!

Self pity, is not an emotion in itself; it’s a state of mind. It happens when you focus too much on your own problems and believe you are a victim of circumstance. This mental focus leads you to feel negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, hurt, jealousy, hatred and helplessness.

The best part is that their are numerous ways that one can adopt in order to change this mindset. Earlier you work on it, better it is for yourself and for people around you.

When a person tries to see the glass half empty instead of seeing it half full, the glass will get drier and drier. Feeling sorry for oneself has become a common problems which can diffuse only pain. It could be a product of your past, like you being a victim of child abuse, or neglected by parents or it could be a recent tragedy such as the death of loved ones, financial setbacks or it could be something to do with your unchangeable personal characteristics like being fat or ugly. Some people are chronic self pitiers, they just find some new reason to feel sorry for themselves, for such people there sentences start from “If only..”.

I agree this kind of behavior could be comforting for a while and can distract you for sometime but can have negative long term effect, wherein people start avoiding you, you might loose respect and they might not expect much from you. Stuck in the past for too long will not let you create a better future.

So now lets focus on what can you do to overcome this behavior which can be lethal

Set By Step Solution

  • Try to identify what triggers you and learn to recognize when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
  • Be more compassionate towards yourself and express the emotion without the fear of being judged.
  • Convince yourself that it is a waste of time and energy and other are getting benefitted from it and your own people will go through the same pain.
  • Change the inner question from why to what. Instead of why is this happening to me or why did he do that? ask what can I do different to overcome thus situation?
  • Try to perceive things differently, instead of seeing the glass of water half empty, see it as a half full. Our perception creates our reality and by changing our viewpoint, we are able to change any experience.
  • Indulge yourself in some kind of social work, do something for underprivileges people. This can make you aware about your standing in the society and you will know how blessed you are. Remember you can’t feel pride and self pity at the same time
  • Make a list of things you are grateful for…gratitude journal.
  • Join a support group and you will realize you are not alone.

“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belong to you”. ~ LAO TZU

This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.

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Saying Yes When You Want To Say No- Is This Affecting You Mentally? #CauseAChatter #MentalHealth

“My unhappiness was the unhappiness of a person who could not say no.” – Dazai Osamu

Many of us have a fear of being judged, rejected or disliked if we share what we really feel. And saying No is one such thing that doesn’t come easily. Probably because we want to please everyone to the point that we feel completely stressed out. Rejection is one of the biggest reasons why people find difficult to say No. They feel if they say No they might disappoint people and might come across as a rude or appear unkind.

I feel one does this as he or she is not sure about herself or himself. It is an indication of low self confidence and self belief. So what one should do? Remember few things :

Saying No doesn’t mean you are a bad person

Value yourself more than anyone else

How important is it to say “Yes”. How many of you doubted your decision after saying yes for something? And then how many of you thought of different ways to get out of it? I am sure most of you. Think about the kind of stress and resentment you must have gone through. Wouldn’t it be must easier to say no in the first place?

I have gone through a feeling of anguish, stress and resentment not just once but many times and realized its not worth it.

If you are able to answer these pointers, things will become much more easier.

But it is not as simple as it sounds. It is quite deep rooted. As a child, saying No to elders considered as inappropriate and impolite. If you said no to your mom, dad, teachers or grandparents you would most certainly considered to be rude , so saying no would be off limits and yes was the polite and likable thing to say. As we grow we become more mature and know what is good or bad and how to react in different situations. Therefore, saying No should not be difficult. But sadly, the impact of things that we learn and experience in our childhood is so strong and deep rooted that we continue believing in things which are not right or relevant.

Therefore, it is important that one value their own opinions over others. If you look for other person’s approval you would never be able to decide anything by yourself and will remain unhappy and unsatisfied.

What happens when you say Yes, when you want to say No

It leads to frustration and stress and makes you an unhappy person.

It might injure your self esteem and pulls down your self confidence.

It might be an end of a promising partnership and a once beautiful friendship.

It might lead to an unsatisfied person who doesn’t not value himself/herself.

You might fail in managing time as you will get into things that are neither important nor urgent.

Being able to say “no” without fear or “yes” without resentment is a common dilemma. Unable to say “no” can actually lead to a toxic relationship and frustration will reach to a breaking point which one could avoid, if one learn to say “no”. When you cannot say “no” without resentment, it’s time to say stop!

Tips that help you in saying no

Realize that not wanting to go along doesn’t make you stubborn, mean or defiant.

Understand that not saying no can be taken as yes and can reinforce the unwanted behavior.

Always be direct , such as ‘no I can’t’ or’ I don’t want to’. Do not leave any ambiguity in your communication.

Do not give reasons for saying no, speak your mind without any hesitation.

Do not lie, that may lead to guilt and can make you feel worse.

Practice saying no with people who will understand you. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.

Do not give excuses like, I will let you know, as this may prolonged the situation and make you feel even more stressed.

Learning to say no will give you a feeling of freedom and empowerment.

“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker

This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.

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Holding A Grudge Can Affect Your Mental Health #MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

One of the most common self-defeating behavior I have come across is holding a grudge against others. Despite our best intentions, when push comes to shove, not forgiving and not forgetting is what we end up doing. The most sound advice we hear from people is “forgive and forget” but is very difficult to live up to. Am I right?

So when you find difficult to forgive someone just remember this saying from Mahatma Gandhi, – “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” I am sure this will definitely hurt your ego and you would be propel to forgive and forget.

Everything said and done for some people, holding a grudge may be the first step in accepting and acknowledging their feelings to themselves and to the person who they feel wronged them.

Why do people hold a grudge?

When they feel someone has let them down. However, it may be justifiable to be upset or resentful but a healthier approach may be to address the situation head-on with the person in question, especially as misunderstandings or misplaced expectations are often the roots of these issues.

But whatever the intentions or the cause of resentfulness, holding a grudge can end up hurting you as much as the person who caused it. Therefore, it is important to learn how one can begin to let go of their grudges and cope with the anger. Holding a grudge can effect physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing of the person.

The more you try to remember, the more traumatic the whole experience would be and can completely destroy your mental peace. Also remember you may think that remembering you past hurt will keep you guarded from getting hurt again but your wariness can make you so uptight and guarded that others find it takes too much effort to deal with you. You could end up safe but alone.

How holding a grudge affects mental health?

Not forgiving is as good as continuing to blame. It can be considered as powerful defence mechanism where in, you find a target for your anger and frustration. It does protect you from owning your flaws but making your problems someone else’s fault leaves you in a passive position. You may feel good as you have exempted yourself from the responsibility, however at the same time it is keeping you away from taking steps to remedy your situations. Nurturing negative feeling makes you more exposed to more unpleasant emotions and thoughts, which can poison your mindset toward negativity. When a person exaggerates his or her feeling to an extent that the act of holding a grudge becomes more painful than the event itself. Build-up resentments can lead to many mental health concerns like:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Self-Harm
  • Emotional Dysregulation
  • Suicidal

What kind of people have more tendency to hold grudges?

People who are more vulnerable towards jealousy, sensitivity, immaturity, negativity, and impulse control may be more apt to hold grudges. Cultural, lifestyle, parenting, environmental, genetic, and other factors may also contribute to an individual person’s tendency to hold resentments as well.

What kind of people are less likely to hold grudges?

Those who are more empathetic, resilient, have a better ability to self-regulate, and have stronger coping skills are less likely to hold grudges. Even certain lifestyle habits, including regular exercise, can also make you more forgivable and flexible.

“Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note- torn in two and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one”. – Henry Ward Beecher

We forgive when we no longer need to blame, we forget when we no longer need to remember…You agree?

Action plan to letting go grudges

  • Ask yourself what not forgiving and forgetting is costing you.
  • Acknowledge what the other person did wrong and what you would accept from him/her.
  • Ask yourself how you might have contributed to the problem.
  • Determine what you need to learn to prevent nasty experience again.
  • Move on in life.

Ways to letting go grudges

  • Be empathetic
  • Acceptance
  • Practice any form of exercise
  • Meditation
  • Self-care
  • Self-appreciation
  • Lean conflict management techniques
  • Start journalizing your feelings
  • Surround yourself with supportive and positive people

“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it”.

 ‘This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.’

This post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter

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How To Stay Positive And Be Proud Of Yourself In Life #MentalHealth #Itsmychoice

With all the goals I have accomplished in life, whether big or small, personal or professional, I am really proud of all of them. There were times when I had a brief moments of doubt, whether I am doing it right or not but, not because I wasn’t sure but because my decision could have impacted many lives.

But at the end what matters is, whatever you do, you need to be happy only then you can make others happy. I am sure most of you will agree with me on this. Even the most mundane achievement can lead you to exceptionally content places in life. I seriously feel, we should never underestimate ourself. Every accomplished of mine led to where I am today and don’t you think that’s enough to be proud of?

No matter where you are and what you do, people are here to judge you, assess you and evaluate you for anything and everything. But these things should not matter if you are convinced with your decisions.  It’s your choice and be proud of it. Each goal you attain is worthy of celebration, especially when it takes you closer to your dreams in life.

When  I say I am proud of myself that is not just confined to my career choices but the way I have over come certain setback in my life too. A lot of people think that you can be only proud of yourself when you have accomplished something but we all know that  success means different to different people. So being proud of ourself is not contingent upon reaching some external standard of success, rather it is an internal state that arises when you feel good about who you are and what you have achieved.

As a coach and a trainer it gives me immense pleasure when I aid my clients in improving their relationships, careers, and day-to-day lives. I help them in clarifying their goals, identifying the obstacles that is holding them back and assist them in identifying various strategies to overcome them. And while doing this somewhere unconsciously I am helping myself in becoming a better person as every day there is a learning.

But is it easy to stay positive and happy all the time? No Not really. What about the times when you mess up things? What about when you are just not feeling proud of yourself? But the good news is, there are things that can keep you sane and things you can do to help turn that around.

6 Ways To Stay Positive

Focus on your positive qualities

Keeping positive qualities as a focal point can lead to both psychological and physical well being. It keeps you motivated and do not let you distract. It gives you the strength not to give up if you encounter difficulties along the way. It makes you look at failure and problems as blessings in disguise.

Engage in things that make you feel good

Do what you like. So if you carry out things what makes you happy it help you to stay positive. So everything is interrelated. When you are taking care of yourself and doing things you enjoy, it is hard not to feel a sense of pride.

Do not compare yourself

Remember each one of us are on our own journey and comparing your own progress to someone else’s is only going to make you feel worse. So focus on your own journey and be proud of the person you are.

Positive self talk

Pat your back and remind ourself that you have survived a lot of things in life that’s worth acknowledging. Not many people comes out of their challenges and setbacks stronger and the fact that you  didn’t let those setbacks defeat you is more than enough to be proud of.

Learn from your mistakes

When a person does mistakes, it shows a lot about their growth and the lesson’s they have learned along the way. When you learn from your failures and try your best to avoid repeating them, it says a lot about you and your personal development.

Be helpful

I am not boosting myself but one of the quality that made me a coach and a trainer is being selfless. We live in a selfish world and when we show act of kindness and compassion, you show other’s that there are hope and love amidst the darkness.

Doing all of these will give you a sense of happiness and make you feel content.

“This post is written for IT’S MY CHOICE Blog Train by Gleefulblogger & Wigglingpen ( in association with ) Vedix & Kerala Ayurveda

This post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter

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Do Not Let Fear Run Your Life # MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

Hi Everyone,

Today I am sharing something which many of us must have come across but not really shared with anyone due to the fear of being judged. Being a life and EQ Coach I always make sure that I do not disclose my clients identity or anything related to them. But today I am sharing something that can’t be explained without giving examples from my encountered with few of my clients.. So lets begin..

I am keeping their name and identity antonymous

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”- Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Therefore all of us need to remember that we accomplish great things if we look at problems face on rather than being held back by doubt and fear. I am sharing two examples who fought with their fear and came out as a winner.

Santosh is a 54 year old computer engineer at XYZ company, drives 130 km  to work every day. One fine day while returning from office he met with an accident. As it was a minor accident, after a short rehabilitation he was fine physically but due to the trauma he remained injured mentally. He was terrified of driving but as he had no other option but to go to work, he braved it out as a car pool passenger. Mere thought of that accident used to disturb him.

Aruna is a 40 year old bank employee and mother of two. After 10 years of her blissful marriage she discovered that her husband is having an affair. She was so deeply hurt that she became the patient of paranoid disability disorder (PPD) . Someone who is always suspicious even when their is no reason to be. Despite her husband’s effort of making everything alright , she could not overcome the feeling of being cheated and became paranoid whenever he is out of sight. Due to all this her own life has come to standstill.

Can you tell me what is common in both the cases? Well, they both are trauma victims who are terrified by the fear of reoccurrence and always stayed in the feeling of helplessness.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘ I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along” – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Traumas effects your life tremendously and shatters your belief and sense of safety. It is not always about trauma but also the fear that whatever happened will happen again. And when your fear takes away the place of trust you feel more vulnerable . And you feel if something like this happens again you will not be able to survive or will face an irreversible damage. Now this kind of anxiety can actually leads to withdrawal. And if it is exceptionally strong it can even lead to phobia, the ultimate form of avoidance.

The fear of reoccurrence can be devastating. In case of Aruna her anticipatory dread was so strong that even when her husband had to take late night calls, she would think he is lying and actually taking to a women. She was so terrified of other women that she stopped her husband from socializing. She even checked his phone to check his call history. If this continuous for long this paranoia of her can become the bigger threat to their marriage than her husband’s affair.

Now lets understand why does this happen? It is absolutely normal to feel bad or get upset if something unexpected and disturbing happens in your life. But the sooner you resume living, the less hurt you will be. But one needs to understand that being paranoid has it’s roots in early childhood. When a child has a trauma , such as falling from the stairs while climbing or hitting a wall while playing, he or she feels unprotected. If the parents make a big deal of something which is very tiny, that becomes a big deal even in child’s mind. They will feel that anything that upset’s mom and dad that much must be truly awful , so I better not to repeat it again. On the other hand if parents treats that trauma too lightly, the child could feel neglected or injured. In either case, the over obsession or feeling neglected is more frightening than the injury itself and can result in avoidance. So, when as an adult, a fresh trauma triggers the feeling, people generally protect themselves my forming a bubble around themselves or become obsessed by the fear of a reoccurrence.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, It is only to be understood “- Marie Curie

Therefore, smart parents comfort their traumatized child and encourage them to try it again before the fear becomes permanent.  When the child climb the stairs without getting hurt, they learn to be resilient and will never fear to face the fear.

This is precisely what adults should also do when they are traumatized. Only by facing the fear, by getting on to the life and taking action, will help them to be more balanced and resilient. It is important that you start somewhere and take positive action before you surrender. In case of Santosh he took baby step, first he started driving on small streets, then to near by area before venturing to his office again.

In case of Aruna, she need to convince herself , first by acting it out as if she trust her husband. She should force herself to wish her husband a good trip when he goes out of town and should start attending gathering without clinging on him. Over a period of time if her husband proves himself trustworthy, she could do all of this for real and can get on with her life.

Suggestions to overcome fear

Understand that feeling vulnerable doesn’t make you weak. Accept the fear and take action to overcome that.

Accept that everything that happens cannot be controlled or prevented. So face it as and when they occur.

Realize apprehensions and avoidance cannot be the solution to any problem.

Resume your life as soon as possible. Take small steps but make sure you take.

Identify those people whom you can trust and those who are positive in life.

Take each action aiming to reduce fear.

Be resilient, give positive affirmation to yourself for example, if you can survive the trauma , then you can face anything in life and will come out as a winner.

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” – Bertrand Russel

Disclaimer: Views expressed in this post are personal and for reading purposes only. They’re not medical advice. Each individual’s experience may vary. Please consult a professional if you need help.

This Post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter

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What is Conduct Disorder And How To Handle It ?#MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

Canva/Pexels

Parents can be the biggest allies or worst enemies when it comes to dealing with children and adolescent. Their denial of their child’s mental health issues can complicates things and can worsen the situation. There are so many therapies available which kids or anybody who is suffering from mental health conditions can be benefitted from. But I see most of the times parents ignore the seriousness of the situation and write it off as defiant behavior, active imagination or they just hope their child will grow out of things such as torturing animals and setting fires. Denial is one of the defense mechanism and can be extremely unhealthy in the long run.

Conduct problems have become very common among students and adolescents in our society. And the reason could be many, to name a few

  • Nuclear Families
  • Working parents
  • Exposure
  • Social Media
  • Expectations
  • Competition
  • Nanny culture
  • Family history

But first it is important to understand what is Conduct Disorder?

Conduct Disorder is a mental condition. The behaviour goes beyond normal bullying to hurting people to Intensive disregard for societal norms and the rights, feeling, and personal space of other people. Children with conduct disorder are often difficult to diagnosed, as all kids act out sometimes. It is only when extreme behaviour shows up over a long period of time and isn’t caused by the child’s environment. And also if major age appropriate societal norms are violated or if their is a significant impairment in everyday functioning at home or school can be labeled as Conduct Disorder.

When we talk about normal behavior, it depends on the child’s age, character, and physical and emotional development. If their behaviour doesn’t match with family or societal expectations or is disruptive, it may become a problem. And that’s when intervention is needed.

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How To Deal With Self-Defeating Behaviors? #CauseAChatter

Get out of your comfort zone, accept the change, be positive, be resilient, perseverance is the key to success are few things that we keep on listening. And why not? People who have growth mindset are the ones who follow all of these and are more successful in life. Most of us are aware about all these qualities but still there is something that holds us back and we fail to understand the real cause.  In my experience, people who fail to learn the lessons that life teaches them fall under the prey of self – defeating behaviour.

Self- defeating behavior works against your own interest. It keeps you away from the goals that you have set for yourself . They are distracting, self-loathing and self- sabotaging. Nothing can drive you crazier than knowing that you have been keeping yourself away from gaining love, success and happiness which you deserve and desire. Self-defeating behavior occurs when impulse wins over awareness. It might give you quick gratification but you will long for lasting satisfaction, it might give you immediate relief but ultimate resolution is what will make you happier. It is like a coping mechanism, which can make you feel better for a while but can be really be nasty in long run. Self defeating behavior is your biggest enemy, the earlier you get rid of it the better it is for you. There are many self defeating behaviours,  to name a few

  • Procastinating
  • Holding a grudge
  • Trying to change others or having expectations from them
  • Waiting until it’s too late
  • Always having to be right
  • Letting fear run your life
  • Becoming obsessive or compulsive
  • Feeling sorry for yourself

As with the most persistent patterns,  this behavior has roots in childhood experience.  Children who are abused or neglected in their childhood, feel unprotected and alone. Then there are children who do not lack affection but are not given adequate guidance, grow up feeling incompetent an incapable.  In both these cases they end up with stubborn self defeating behaviours. This kind of behavior are quite impulsive and people act without regard for long term consequences.

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How Inclusion Can Help In Employee Well-Being? #CauseAChatter

Mental health and diversity and inclusion are closely related. You cannot ignore the effect of racism and racial trauma on mental health at the same time the disparity in access to mental health care across various communities cannot be ignored. The inequality and lack of cultural competency in mental health treatment cannot be ignored. Employees from diverse backgrounds can face lack of representation, unconscious bias, and other stressors that impact their mental health and psychological safety at work. Nothing can be ignored as they all are deep rooted, but we do see a ray of hope.

Today the modern workplace is consists of people of different religion, ages, gender and ethnicity. And one of the reasons for this outcome is economic globalization. Many organizations have realized that diversity at workplace can bring lot of material as well as intangible benefits. However, diversity has their own challenges like discrimination, harassment. disrespect, indifferent attitude and many more which can lead to a nasty consequence. Hiring a diverse workforce is great but this is not enough if people don’t feel wanted and accepted. Diversity is one part of the equation, to balance this equation companies need to work on inclusion.

Therefore, many companies have adopted diversity and inclusion programs. Inclusion in the workplace is extremely important for any organization looking to build a strong sense of connections and belonging and an engaging culture. Inclusive workplace is where all the employees irrespective of their differences and disabilities feel welcomed and valued for their contribution.

Here we need to understand without inclusion, diversity effort will not succeed. Some of the important traits of inclusions are

Every employee should feel that they have a voice and will be heard.

Every employee should feel the sense of ownership. The feeling that you’re a part of an organization that knows and values you. 

Every employee should be given an environment for learning and development which makes them feel that companies care about their growth and aspirations.

Every employee should have access to resources which will aid them in their work.

Every employee should be provided with collaborative environment regardless of their role and department.

Ways to create inclusive culture

Firstly it is important to educate employees and leaders.

Secondly creating an environment for open communication where listening should be given priority.

Third and the most important is embracing employees to their full authentic self. As we all know we are at our best when we are our own authentic selves. Give employee freedom to explore their true potential.

Benefits of inclusive workplace

  • People are more committed towards their work.
  • People are more engaged with their work as they enjoy working.
  • People will have better wellbeing in their lives.
  • Reduction in attrition rate and people will stay with the company for a longer duration.
  • People will be more likely to recommend their company as a best working place.
  • Increase in productivity and sales.
  • Improved participation and decision making.
  • Reduce conflicts and miscommunication.
  • Brings out favorable work cultural and happy and satisfy employees.
  • Leads to increase in self- esteem and self- confidence.
  • Better ideas that leads to inflation of profits.

According to Deloitte’s article on diversity and inclusion, it states, “A growing body of research indicates that diverse and inclusive teams outperform their peers. Companies with inclusive talent practices in hiring, promotion, development, leadership, and team management generate up to 30 percent higher revenue per employee and greater profitability than their competitors. Without a strong culture of inclusion and flexibility, the team-centric model comprising diverse individuals may not perform well.”

Therefore, diversity with inclusiveness leads to positive growth not just for the employee but for the organization. It is time that each and every company should adopt this for the overall growth of our country and for better mental health of our employee.

This post is part of the Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter campaign.

Pic Courtesy : Pexels/Google/Canva

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Impact of Body Image on Mental Health #CauseAChatter

Body dissatisfaction is the experience of negative thoughts and feelings about one’s body and appearance , is a powerful and consistent precursor of a whole range of unhealthy body-related behaviors. These includes : unhealthy dieting regimes and problematic eating behaviors (starving, bingeing and purging), clinical eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia), cosmetic surgery, extreme exercising and unhealthy muscle-enhancing behaviors in men and boys (such as taking steroids or other supplements ). It is also linked to depression, anxiety, sexual dissatisfaction and low self-esteem. Therefore body dissatisfaction is a significant risk for physical health, mental health, and thus well-being. Any factor, such as idealized media image, that increases body dissatisfaction is therefore an important influence on well-being.

  • I am fat
  • I am too skinny
  • I would be happy if I was taller
  • I would be happy if I was shorter
  • I would be happy if I had curly hair
  • I would be happy if I had straight hair
  • I would be happy if I was fairer
  • I would be happy if I was………A never ending list of complaints about how I look.

Do any of these statements sound familiar? Are you used to putting yourself down? If so you are not alone. However these are not thoughts which crept overnight. It has been there sub consciously and this all started slowly when you were a kid probably at a age of 2 years plus, when others have commented about you. Lots of people have trouble adjusting and this can affect their self esteem. If I say body image and self esteem are inter related, I am sure many of you will agree with me. Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect how you act. For example a person who has high self esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will enjoy life more. As far as Body-image is concerned it is how someone feels about his or her own physical appearance. Therefore, for most people, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem. That’s because as kids develop into teens and further adults, they care more about how others see them.

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What IS OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)? And Ways To Deal With It

People suffering from OCD are not many, In fact only about 3% of adults have it and it is even less common in children. People generally mistake habits with OCD. However, there is a grey area between habits that we may have and OCD. For example, we may drive to work a certain way for the benefit of passing a favorite site , here we do not feel compelled to do so from a belief, but if we were to feel compelled to drive a certain route because not doing so would result in a car crash, such behavior could then be said to be OCD.

To come to any conclusion it is imperative to understand : What is an obsession?

As obsession is a thought which is recurrent and persistent or something which is inappropriate and unwanted. Now when the obsession continuous without showing any apparent cause, makes you distressed and make your life difficult, that is when intervention is needed. With obsession it is an image or thought that stuck with you and will only go away when you follow some other specific action and compulsion. In OCD, often the person will be aware that the original trigger for the action or compulsion, is simply a creation of their own mind, in spite of that they cannot get rid of these thoughts and images.

Now lets understand: What is a Compulsion?

It is nothing but a reaction to the obsession and must be adhered to rigidly, failure to do so will result in a major disaster. If someone suffering from OCD force herself/himself not to follow the compulsion may result in a huge increase in stress which can be released only by performing the compulsion. They have a feeling , by performing the compulsion repeatedly , they can actually get rid of their obsession. The sufferer knows it very well that performing these compulsion is illogical but as it worked at reducing the fear and tension in the past, they are compelled to repeat.

Are there any specific types of OCD?

Well, there are infinite types of OCD, it can impact on any thought, on any subject, on any person, on any fear, and frequently fixates on what’s important in a person’s life. Some of the known OCD’s are

  • Contamination: a fear of things that might be dirty or a compulsion to clean
  • Rumination : causes a person to spend an inordinate amount of time worrying, figuring out, trying to understand, analyzing or clarifying thoughts
  • Intrusive thoughts: are usually disturbing and the person often tries to resist them
  • Mental Contamination: Having a feeling of unwanted, being treated unfairly or feeling like you’ve been treated like a dirt.
  • Checking : Confirming if things are done in right way for example, checking up of locks, alarm systems, ovens, or light switches etc.
  • Symmetry or arranging : Wants things to be lined up in certain way.

Why people don’t open up and share their problems especially if it is related to mental health?

  • Fear of being judged : One of the most common cause is fear and being misjudged. The reason could be that people recognize the negative sigma and discrimination associated with it and don’t want to be labeled as “crazy” or, “mentally ill”.
  • Lack of awareness : A person my acknowledge that something is not normal but may not understand the real cause or consequences of it.
  • Fear of hurting people they love : Their is a sense of hopelessness. They feel they might hurt their near and dear once as this is considered as a taboo in the society and people might isolate them and their family.
  • Lack of understanding from others – It is very difficult to deal with someone with OCD as they don’t want to be treated differently. They don’t trust people as they feel no one will understand them.
  • Distrust : Not everyone is comfortable sharing and when something is related to as delicate as mental health people become more conscious. They worry that their personal information won’t be kept confidential.
  • Feeling of inadequacy ; Many people believe that they are inadequate or a failure if they won’t be able to handle this on their own.
  • Other Barriers : these barriers are more practical like inability to pay for treatment due to financial hardship or lack of health insurance. Not having reliable transportation, child care issues and appointments for treatment that conflict with work or school schedules can also prevent someone from engaging in treatment.

When do you know that you need an outside help?

According to the research, in terms of brain chemistry, insufficient serotonin levels may be a cause of OCD and that brain circuits appear to return to normal after taking serotonin medication or receiving cognitive behavioral psychotherapy.

It really disturbs me when I see that most of the time OCD goes unrecognized. According to the Obsessive Compulsion Foundation, studies show that it takes an average of seventeen years from the onset of OCD until the obtaining of appropriate treatment. What do you think would be the reason? Well as far as my experience with my clients, most of the time sufferer keep it a secret, as they feel no body will understand and most importantly access to appropriate treatment is not always available. This is a pity as with proper treatment patient can avoid suffering and can lessen the risk of developing further problems. In some cases it has been witnessed that after treatment, patient was fully cured or in some cases they have gained symptomatic relief.

How can you help someone suffering from OCD?

Offer support and understanding

It is very important that you clearly communicate to them that you do understand the difference between behavioral symptoms of OCD and the person. When compulsions are visible you need to convey to them that you know it is not them it is their OCD. This will help to reduce the person’s feeling of guilt and low self worth and in return can also help in diminishing of their stress and anxiety. Once they open up and discuss it becomes easier for you to understand how it affects them and how you can be more supportive.

Do not Comply with OCD behavior

Some times you comply with their request and do what pleases them, as you find it much easier then dealing with the prolonged anxiety, fear, or arguments that may arise if you don’t do what is asked. But this can act as a hindrance in their recovery process if they are undergoing any sort of treatment. Yes, It is important to normalize family or household routines at the same time refuse to participate in reinforcing OCD behaviors. 

Reach out for support for yourself and for the sufferer

Living with someone with OCD is not easy. Make sure you not only confide in someone who understands you and guides you . It is important to maintain your connections and supports among your extended family and friends. If need arises do not hesitate to consider professional support. Contact a telephone helpline for families of people with OCD and anxiety condition.

Treatments available

  • Psychotherapy
  • Medication
  • Relaxation
  • Neuromodulation
  • Transcranial Magnetic simulation

(You can google and find out these treatments in detail or can consult your Doctor)

I strongly believe, self awareness and acceptance can solve most of the problems. There is a saying that goes “the first page of the book of life is a mirror”. By understanding ourselves we can start to understand the nature of all things. We humans have a habit of ignoring our subconscious mind. Something which troubles or disturbs us we conveniently avoid rather than own and confront them. Knowing your strengths and weakness, accepting that they exist and work on them as needed can help us overcome any obstacle in life.

This Post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Campaign.

This blog post if part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.

@Swati Mathur

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