I am a failure, life has been unfair to me, I deserve only bad things in life, these are some of the examples, when a person feels sorry for himself/herself. Self pity feeds on itself. When we reckon a sorrowful image and a lack of faith, things tend to go wrong, which will give you more reasons to feel sorry for yourself. It is a vicious cycle and if it continuous long enough, you run the risk of appearing pathetic and miserable.
But do you think people get trapped in this kind of behavior voluntarily? of course not. Life is not easy , in face it is not meant to be easy. I know this is the last thing one like to here when you are in the midst of self pity. You don’t get what you deserve, relationships ends, and life becomes a struggle. There can be multitude of things that don’t go the way you want them to so it’s quite natural to feel sorry for ourselves.
And when so much is going on in life, its absolutely Ok to have the blues for a while, in fact, it is important to feel the emotion instead of suppressing it. However, it becomes a problem when you get stuck in self pity and it becomes your default action.
But when you get stuck in this kind of feeling it means that you are following the path of nerve learning from your mistakes and at the same time you ate stopping yourself from being empowered.
Do you know if you get trapped in this kind of mind set for a long period of time there is a great amount of possibility of leading thyself into some kind mental health conditions which can be really matter and life threatening.
Even more alarming; recently I have read an article written in The Independent states that says, self pity can be as bad for your heart as smoking 20 cigarettes a day!
Self pity, is not an emotion in itself; it’s a state of mind. It happens when you focus too much on your own problems and believe you are a victim of circumstance. This mental focus leads you to feel negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, hurt, jealousy, hatred and helplessness.
The best part is that their are numerous ways that one can adopt in order to change this mindset. Earlier you work on it, better it is for yourself and for people around you.
When a person tries to see the glass half empty instead of seeing it half full, the glass will get drier and drier. Feeling sorry for oneself has become a common problems which can diffuse only pain. It could be a product of your past, like you being a victim of child abuse, or neglected by parents or it could be a recent tragedy such as the death of loved ones, financial setbacks or it could be something to do with your unchangeable personal characteristics like being fat or ugly. Some people are chronic self pitiers, they just find some new reason to feel sorry for themselves, for such people there sentences start from “If only..”.
I agree this kind of behavior could be comforting for a while and can distract you for sometime but can have negative long term effect, wherein people start avoiding you, you might loose respect and they might not expect much from you. Stuck in the past for too long will not let you create a better future.
So now lets focus on what can you do to overcome this behavior which can be lethal
Set By Step Solution
- Try to identify what triggers you and learn to recognize when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
- Be more compassionate towards yourself and express the emotion without the fear of being judged.
- Convince yourself that it is a waste of time and energy and other are getting benefitted from it and your own people will go through the same pain.
- Change the inner question from why to what. Instead of why is this happening to me or why did he do that? ask what can I do different to overcome thus situation?
- Try to perceive things differently, instead of seeing the glass of water half empty, see it as a half full. Our perception creates our reality and by changing our viewpoint, we are able to change any experience.
- Indulge yourself in some kind of social work, do something for underprivileges people. This can make you aware about your standing in the society and you will know how blessed you are. Remember you can’t feel pride and self pity at the same time
- Make a list of things you are grateful for…gratitude journal.
- Join a support group and you will realize you are not alone.
“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belong to you”. ~ LAO TZU
This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.