Month: December 2022

I am a failure, life has been unfair to me, I deserve only bad things in life, these are some of the examples, when a person feels sorry for himself/herself. Self pity feeds on itself. When we reckon a sorrowful image and a lack of faith, things tend to go wrong, which will give you more reasons to feel sorry for yourself. It is a vicious cycle and if it continuous long enough, you run the risk of appearing pathetic and miserable.

But do you think people get trapped in this kind of behavior voluntarily? of course not. Life is not easy , in face it is not meant to be easy. I know this is the last thing one like to here when you are in the midst of self pity. You don’t get what you deserve, relationships ends, and life becomes a struggle. There can be multitude of things that don’t go the way you want them to so it’s quite natural to feel sorry for ourselves.

And when so much is going on in life, its absolutely Ok to have the blues for a while, in fact, it is important to feel the emotion instead of suppressing it. However, it becomes a problem when you get stuck in self pity and it becomes your default action.

But when you get stuck in this kind of feeling it means that you are following the path of nerve learning from your mistakes and at the same time you ate stopping yourself from being empowered.

Do you know if you get trapped in this kind of mind set for a long period of time there is a great amount of possibility of leading thyself into some kind mental health conditions which can be really matter and life threatening.

Even more alarming; recently I have read an article written in The Independent states that says, self pity can be as bad for your heart as smoking 20 cigarettes a day!

Self pity, is not an emotion in itself; it’s a state of mind. It happens when you focus too much on your own problems and believe you are a victim of circumstance. This mental focus leads you to feel negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, hurt, jealousy, hatred and helplessness.

The best part is that their are numerous ways that one can adopt in order to change this mindset. Earlier you work on it, better it is for yourself and for people around you.

When a person tries to see the glass half empty instead of seeing it half full, the glass will get drier and drier. Feeling sorry for oneself has become a common problems which can diffuse only pain. It could be a product of your past, like you being a victim of child abuse, or neglected by parents or it could be a recent tragedy such as the death of loved ones, financial setbacks or it could be something to do with your unchangeable personal characteristics like being fat or ugly. Some people are chronic self pitiers, they just find some new reason to feel sorry for themselves, for such people there sentences start from “If only..”.

I agree this kind of behavior could be comforting for a while and can distract you for sometime but can have negative long term effect, wherein people start avoiding you, you might loose respect and they might not expect much from you. Stuck in the past for too long will not let you create a better future.

So now lets focus on what can you do to overcome this behavior which can be lethal

Set By Step Solution

• Try to identify what triggers you and learn to recognize when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
• Be more compassionate towards yourself and express the emotion without the fear of being judged.
• Convince yourself that it is a waste of time and energy and other are getting benefitted from it and your own people will go through the same pain.
• Change the inner question from why to what. Instead of why is this happening to me or why did he do that? ask what can I do different to overcome thus situation?
• Try to perceive things differently, instead of seeing the glass of water half empty, see it as a half full. Our perception creates our reality and by changing our viewpoint, we are able to change any experience.
• Indulge yourself in some kind of social work, do something for underprivileges people. This can make you aware about your standing in the society and you will know how blessed you are. Remember you can’t feel pride and self pity at the same time
• Make a list of things you are grateful for…gratitude journal.
• Join a support group and you will realize you are not alone.

“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belong to you”. ~ LAO TZU

This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.

“My unhappiness was the unhappiness of a person who could not say no.” – Dazai Osamu

Many of us have a fear of being judged, rejected or disliked if we share what we really feel. And saying No is one such thing that doesn’t come easily. Probably because we want to please everyone to the point that we feel completely stressed out. Rejection is one of the biggest reasons why people find difficult to say No. They feel if they say No they might disappoint people and might come across as a rude or appear unkind.

I feel one does this as he or she is not sure about herself or himself. It is an indication of low self confidence and self belief. So what one should do? Remember few things :

Saying No doesn’t mean you are a bad person

Value yourself more than anyone else

How important is it to say “Yes”. How many of you doubted your decision after saying yes for something? And then how many of you thought of different ways to get out of it? I am sure most of you. Think about the kind of stress and resentment you must have gone through. Wouldn’t it be must easier to say no in the first place?

I have gone through a feeling of anguish, stress and resentment not just once but many times and realized its not worth it.

If you are able to answer these pointers, things will become much more easier.

But it is not as simple as it sounds. It is quite deep rooted. As a child, saying No to elders considered as inappropriate and impolite. If you said no to your mom, dad, teachers or grandparents you would most certainly considered to be rude , so saying no would be off limits and yes was the polite and likable thing to say. As we grow we become more mature and know what is good or bad and how to react in different situations. Therefore, saying No should not be difficult. But sadly, the impact of things that we learn and experience in our childhood is so strong and deep rooted that we continue believing in things which are not right or relevant.

Therefore, it is important that one value their own opinions over others. If you look for other person’s approval you would never be able to decide anything by yourself and will remain unhappy and unsatisfied.

What happens when you say Yes, when you want to say No

It leads to frustration and stress and makes you an unhappy person.

It might injure your self esteem and pulls down your self confidence.

It might be an end of a promising partnership and a once beautiful friendship.

It might lead to an unsatisfied person who doesn’t not value himself/herself.

You might fail in managing time as you will get into things that are neither important nor urgent.

Being able to say “no” without fear or “yes” without resentment is a common dilemma. Unable to say “no” can actually lead to a toxic relationship and frustration will reach to a breaking point which one could avoid, if one learn to say “no”. When you cannot say “no” without resentment, it’s time to say stop!

Tips that help you in saying no

Realize that not wanting to go along doesn’t make you stubborn, mean or defiant.

Understand that not saying no can be taken as yes and can reinforce the unwanted behavior.

Always be direct , such as ‘no I can’t’ or’ I don’t want to’. Do not leave any ambiguity in your communication.

Do not give reasons for saying no, speak your mind without any hesitation.

Do not lie, that may lead to guilt and can make you feel worse.

Practice saying no with people who will understand you. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.

Do not give excuses like, I will let you know, as this may prolonged the situation and make you feel even more stressed.

Learning to say no will give you a feeling of freedom and empowerment.

“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker

This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.