“My unhappiness was the unhappiness of a person who could not say no.” – Dazai Osamu
Many of us have a fear of being judged, rejected or disliked if we share what we really feel. And saying No is one such thing that doesn’t come easily. Probably because we want to please everyone to the point that we feel completely stressed out. Rejection is one of the biggest reasons why people find difficult to say No. They feel if they say No they might disappoint people and might come across as a rude or appear unkind.
I feel one does this as he or she is not sure about herself or himself. It is an indication of low self confidence and self belief. So what one should do? Remember few things :
Saying No doesn’t mean you are a bad person
Value yourself more than anyone else
How important is it to say “Yes”. How many of you doubted your decision after saying yes for something? And then how many of you thought of different ways to get out of it? I am sure most of you. Think about the kind of stress and resentment you must have gone through. Wouldn’t it be must easier to say no in the first place?
I have gone through a feeling of anguish, stress and resentment not just once but many times and realized its not worth it.
If you are able to answer these pointers, things will become much more easier.
But it is not as simple as it sounds. It is quite deep rooted. As a child, saying No to elders considered as inappropriate and impolite. If you said no to your mom, dad, teachers or grandparents you would most certainly considered to be rude , so saying no would be off limits and yes was the polite and likable thing to say. As we grow we become more mature and know what is good or bad and how to react in different situations. Therefore, saying No should not be difficult. But sadly, the impact of things that we learn and experience in our childhood is so strong and deep rooted that we continue believing in things which are not right or relevant.
Therefore, it is important that one value their own opinions over others. If you look for other person’s approval you would never be able to decide anything by yourself and will remain unhappy and unsatisfied.
What happens when you say Yes, when you want to say No
It leads to frustration and stress and makes you an unhappy person.
It might injure your self esteem and pulls down your self confidence.
It might be an end of a promising partnership and a once beautiful friendship.
It might lead to an unsatisfied person who doesn’t not value himself/herself.
You might fail in managing time as you will get into things that are neither important nor urgent.
Being able to say “no” without fear or “yes” without resentment is a common dilemma. Unable to say “no” can actually lead to a toxic relationship and frustration will reach to a breaking point which one could avoid, if one learn to say “no”. When you cannot say “no” without resentment, it’s time to say stop!
Tips that help you in saying no
Realize that not wanting to go along doesn’t make you stubborn, mean or defiant.
Understand that not saying no can be taken as yes and can reinforce the unwanted behavior.
Always be direct , such as ‘no I can’t’ or’ I don’t want to’. Do not leave any ambiguity in your communication.
Do not give reasons for saying no, speak your mind without any hesitation.
Do not lie, that may lead to guilt and can make you feel worse.
Practice saying no with people who will understand you. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.
Do not give excuses like, I will let you know, as this may prolonged the situation and make you feel even more stressed.
Learning to say no will give you a feeling of freedom and empowerment.
“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker
This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.