Holding A Grudge Can Affect Your Mental Health #MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

One of the most common self-defeating behavior I have come across is holding a grudge against others. Despite our best intentions, when push comes to shove, not forgiving and not forgetting is what we end up doing. The most sound advice we hear from people is “forgive and forget” but is very difficult to live up to. Am I right?

So when you find difficult to forgive someone just remember this saying from Mahatma Gandhi, – “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” I am sure this will definitely hurt your ego and you would be propel to forgive and forget.

Everything said and done for some people, holding a grudge may be the first step in accepting and acknowledging their feelings to themselves and to the person who they feel wronged them.

Why do people hold a grudge?

When they feel someone has let them down. However, it may be justifiable to be upset or resentful but a healthier approach may be to address the situation head-on with the person in question, especially as misunderstandings or misplaced expectations are often the roots of these issues.

But whatever the intentions or the cause of resentfulness, holding a grudge can end up hurting you as much as the person who caused it. Therefore, it is important to learn how one can begin to let go of their grudges and cope with the anger. Holding a grudge can effect physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing of the person.

The more you try to remember, the more traumatic the whole experience would be and can completely destroy your mental peace. Also remember you may think that remembering you past hurt will keep you guarded from getting hurt again but your wariness can make you so uptight and guarded that others find it takes too much effort to deal with you. You could end up safe but alone.

How holding a grudge affects mental health?

Not forgiving is as good as continuing to blame. It can be considered as powerful defence mechanism where in, you find a target for your anger and frustration. It does protect you from owning your flaws but making your problems someone else’s fault leaves you in a passive position. You may feel good as you have exempted yourself from the responsibility, however at the same time it is keeping you away from taking steps to remedy your situations. Nurturing negative feeling makes you more exposed to more unpleasant emotions and thoughts, which can poison your mindset toward negativity. When a person exaggerates his or her feeling to an extent that the act of holding a grudge becomes more painful than the event itself. Build-up resentments can lead to many mental health concerns like:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Self-Harm
  • Emotional Dysregulation
  • Suicidal

What kind of people have more tendency to hold grudges?

People who are more vulnerable towards jealousy, sensitivity, immaturity, negativity, and impulse control may be more apt to hold grudges. Cultural, lifestyle, parenting, environmental, genetic, and other factors may also contribute to an individual person’s tendency to hold resentments as well.

What kind of people are less likely to hold grudges?

Those who are more empathetic, resilient, have a better ability to self-regulate, and have stronger coping skills are less likely to hold grudges. Even certain lifestyle habits, including regular exercise, can also make you more forgivable and flexible.

“Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note- torn in two and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one”. – Henry Ward Beecher

We forgive when we no longer need to blame, we forget when we no longer need to remember…You agree?

Action plan to letting go grudges

  • Ask yourself what not forgiving and forgetting is costing you.
  • Acknowledge what the other person did wrong and what you would accept from him/her.
  • Ask yourself how you might have contributed to the problem.
  • Determine what you need to learn to prevent nasty experience again.
  • Move on in life.

Ways to letting go grudges

  • Be empathetic
  • Acceptance
  • Practice any form of exercise
  • Meditation
  • Self-care
  • Self-appreciation
  • Lean conflict management techniques
  • Start journalizing your feelings
  • Surround yourself with supportive and positive people

“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it”.

 ‘This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.’

This post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter

How To Stay Positive And Be Proud Of Yourself In Life #MentalHealth #Itsmychoice

With all the goals I have accomplished in life, whether big or small, personal or professional, I am really proud of all of them. There were times when I had a brief moments of doubt, whether I am doing it right or not but, not because I wasn’t sure but because my decision could have impacted many lives.

But at the end what matters is, whatever you do, you need to be happy only then you can make others happy. I am sure most of you will agree with me on this. Even the most mundane achievement can lead you to exceptionally content places in life. I seriously feel, we should never underestimate ourself. Every accomplished of mine led to where I am today and don’t you think that’s enough to be proud of?

No matter where you are and what you do, people are here to judge you, assess you and evaluate you for anything and everything. But these things should not matter if you are convinced with your decisions.  It’s your choice and be proud of it. Each goal you attain is worthy of celebration, especially when it takes you closer to your dreams in life.

When  I say I am proud of myself that is not just confined to my career choices but the way I have over come certain setback in my life too. A lot of people think that you can be only proud of yourself when you have accomplished something but we all know that  success means different to different people. So being proud of ourself is not contingent upon reaching some external standard of success, rather it is an internal state that arises when you feel good about who you are and what you have achieved.

As a coach and a trainer it gives me immense pleasure when I aid my clients in improving their relationships, careers, and day-to-day lives. I help them in clarifying their goals, identifying the obstacles that is holding them back and assist them in identifying various strategies to overcome them. And while doing this somewhere unconsciously I am helping myself in becoming a better person as every day there is a learning.

But is it easy to stay positive and happy all the time? No Not really. What about the times when you mess up things? What about when you are just not feeling proud of yourself? But the good news is, there are things that can keep you sane and things you can do to help turn that around.

6 Ways To Stay Positive

Focus on your positive qualities

Keeping positive qualities as a focal point can lead to both psychological and physical well being. It keeps you motivated and do not let you distract. It gives you the strength not to give up if you encounter difficulties along the way. It makes you look at failure and problems as blessings in disguise.

Engage in things that make you feel good

Do what you like. So if you carry out things what makes you happy it help you to stay positive. So everything is interrelated. When you are taking care of yourself and doing things you enjoy, it is hard not to feel a sense of pride.

Do not compare yourself

Remember each one of us are on our own journey and comparing your own progress to someone else’s is only going to make you feel worse. So focus on your own journey and be proud of the person you are.

Positive self talk

Pat your back and remind ourself that you have survived a lot of things in life that’s worth acknowledging. Not many people comes out of their challenges and setbacks stronger and the fact that you  didn’t let those setbacks defeat you is more than enough to be proud of.

Learn from your mistakes

When a person does mistakes, it shows a lot about their growth and the lesson’s they have learned along the way. When you learn from your failures and try your best to avoid repeating them, it says a lot about you and your personal development.

Be helpful

I am not boosting myself but one of the quality that made me a coach and a trainer is being selfless. We live in a selfish world and when we show act of kindness and compassion, you show other’s that there are hope and love amidst the darkness.

Doing all of these will give you a sense of happiness and make you feel content.

“This post is written for IT’S MY CHOICE Blog Train by Gleefulblogger & Wigglingpen ( in association with ) Vedix & Kerala Ayurveda

This post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter

How Higher Self-Efficacy Helps In Better Mental Health? #Mental Health #CauseAChatter #CampusToCorporate

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According to Albert Bandura, a social cognitive psychologist, self-efficacy is defined as:

The belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations.

Self-efficacy is about your belief in your abilities in dealing with different situations. It is very important to understand how self-efficacy impacts the mental health of a student, in specific. It plays a vital role in your life, as it not just affects the way you feel about yourself but also how successful you will be in your personal and professional life. It has a huge impact on your psychological state, behavior as well as on motivational level.

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Positive Speaking and Mental Health Goes Hand In Hand #CauseAChatter #MentalHealth

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Would love to begin my post with inspiring positive quotes that I have come across and has become mantra of my life

“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”

“You cannot control the behavior of others, but you can always choose how you respond to it.”(Roy T. Bennett)

I have always believed in the power of subconscious mind. The words we use in our mind often describes our life, our surroundings, our relationships and us. Therefore it is as important to keep an eye on our internal dialogue as on our spoken words. For example if you constantly utter self depreciating language in your internal dialogue, you are actually allowing the power of words to work against you. So our whole life depends upon words. Therefore, speak with mindfulness.

I am sure most of you heard yourself saying things like

Continue reading “Positive Speaking and Mental Health Goes Hand In Hand #CauseAChatter #MentalHealth”

Do Not Let Fear Run Your Life # MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

Hi Everyone,

Today I am sharing something which many of us must have come across but not really shared with anyone due to the fear of being judged. Being a life and EQ Coach I always make sure that I do not disclose my clients identity or anything related to them. But today I am sharing something that can’t be explained without giving examples from my encountered with few of my clients.. So lets begin..

I am keeping their name and identity antonymous

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”- Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Therefore all of us need to remember that we accomplish great things if we look at problems face on rather than being held back by doubt and fear. I am sharing two examples who fought with their fear and came out as a winner.

Santosh is a 54 year old computer engineer at XYZ company, drives 130 km  to work every day. One fine day while returning from office he met with an accident. As it was a minor accident, after a short rehabilitation he was fine physically but due to the trauma he remained injured mentally. He was terrified of driving but as he had no other option but to go to work, he braved it out as a car pool passenger. Mere thought of that accident used to disturb him.

Aruna is a 40 year old bank employee and mother of two. After 10 years of her blissful marriage she discovered that her husband is having an affair. She was so deeply hurt that she became the patient of paranoid disability disorder (PPD) . Someone who is always suspicious even when their is no reason to be. Despite her husband’s effort of making everything alright , she could not overcome the feeling of being cheated and became paranoid whenever he is out of sight. Due to all this her own life has come to standstill.

Can you tell me what is common in both the cases? Well, they both are trauma victims who are terrified by the fear of reoccurrence and always stayed in the feeling of helplessness.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘ I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along” – Eleanor Roosevelt.

Traumas effects your life tremendously and shatters your belief and sense of safety. It is not always about trauma but also the fear that whatever happened will happen again. And when your fear takes away the place of trust you feel more vulnerable . And you feel if something like this happens again you will not be able to survive or will face an irreversible damage. Now this kind of anxiety can actually leads to withdrawal. And if it is exceptionally strong it can even lead to phobia, the ultimate form of avoidance.

The fear of reoccurrence can be devastating. In case of Aruna her anticipatory dread was so strong that even when her husband had to take late night calls, she would think he is lying and actually taking to a women. She was so terrified of other women that she stopped her husband from socializing. She even checked his phone to check his call history. If this continuous for long this paranoia of her can become the bigger threat to their marriage than her husband’s affair.

Now lets understand why does this happen? It is absolutely normal to feel bad or get upset if something unexpected and disturbing happens in your life. But the sooner you resume living, the less hurt you will be. But one needs to understand that being paranoid has it’s roots in early childhood. When a child has a trauma , such as falling from the stairs while climbing or hitting a wall while playing, he or she feels unprotected. If the parents make a big deal of something which is very tiny, that becomes a big deal even in child’s mind. They will feel that anything that upset’s mom and dad that much must be truly awful , so I better not to repeat it again. On the other hand if parents treats that trauma too lightly, the child could feel neglected or injured. In either case, the over obsession or feeling neglected is more frightening than the injury itself and can result in avoidance. So, when as an adult, a fresh trauma triggers the feeling, people generally protect themselves my forming a bubble around themselves or become obsessed by the fear of a reoccurrence.

Nothing in life is to be feared, It is only to be understood “- Marie Curie

Therefore, smart parents comfort their traumatized child and encourage them to try it again before the fear becomes permanent.  When the child climb the stairs without getting hurt, they learn to be resilient and will never fear to face the fear.

This is precisely what adults should also do when they are traumatized. Only by facing the fear, by getting on to the life and taking action, will help them to be more balanced and resilient. It is important that you start somewhere and take positive action before you surrender. In case of Santosh he took baby step, first he started driving on small streets, then to near by area before venturing to his office again.

In case of Aruna, she need to convince herself , first by acting it out as if she trust her husband. She should force herself to wish her husband a good trip when he goes out of town and should start attending gathering without clinging on him. Over a period of time if her husband proves himself trustworthy, she could do all of this for real and can get on with her life.

Suggestions to overcome fear

Understand that feeling vulnerable doesn’t make you weak. Accept the fear and take action to overcome that.

Accept that everything that happens cannot be controlled or prevented. So face it as and when they occur.

Realize apprehensions and avoidance cannot be the solution to any problem.

Resume your life as soon as possible. Take small steps but make sure you take.

Identify those people whom you can trust and those who are positive in life.

Take each action aiming to reduce fear.

Be resilient, give positive affirmation to yourself for example, if you can survive the trauma , then you can face anything in life and will come out as a winner.

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.” – Bertrand Russel

Disclaimer: Views expressed in this post are personal and for reading purposes only. They’re not medical advice. Each individual’s experience may vary. Please consult a professional if you need help.

This Post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter

Mental Health Found A Place In Budget 2022 #MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

Being a mental health advocate, I was thrilled with the announcement of “Mental Health and R&D been given a top most priority in the budget 2022. Pandemic has taken a toll on the mental health, which is quite obvious when you look at these two prominent facts, one in four people are suffering from depression, while one in five are struggling with anxiety. And as pandemic continues , we might see things getting worse. Many of us are facing challenges that can be stressful, overwhelming and cause strong emotions. Public health measures that includes social distancing, lockdown, economic insecurity, school and business closure can make us feel isolated and lonely and can lead to severe depression and anxiety. And the worst part, is people are not even aware that they are suffering with some kind of mental health issues as they are unable to think beyond Covid 19.

In such a scenario government coming up with proposals like establishing National Tele Mental Health programme in India is considered as a boon.

What Is National Tele Mental Health programme ?

The National Tele Mental Health programme is launched to improve access to quality mental health counselling and care services which will consist of digital registries of health providers and health facilities, unique health identity, consent framework, and universal access to health facilities. Government has announced the creation of 23 tele-mental health facilities, with the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS), Bangalore, serving as the nodal center. Nimhans’ role is to conceptualize the programme, develop the training content, train the counsellors of centers of excellence and monitor the programme. The toll free number finds a mention in the health ministry’s website, the CoWIN portal and the counselling is available in 13 languages. More than 650 doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, counsellors and psychiatric nurses working in government hospitals across India are involved in the helpline.

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What is Conduct Disorder And How To Handle It ?#MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

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Parents can be the biggest allies or worst enemies when it comes to dealing with children and adolescent. Their denial of their child’s mental health issues can complicates things and can worsen the situation. There are so many therapies available which kids or anybody who is suffering from mental health conditions can be benefitted from. But I see most of the times parents ignore the seriousness of the situation and write it off as defiant behavior, active imagination or they just hope their child will grow out of things such as torturing animals and setting fires. Denial is one of the defense mechanism and can be extremely unhealthy in the long run.

Conduct problems have become very common among students and adolescents in our society. And the reason could be many, to name a few

  • Nuclear Families
  • Working parents
  • Exposure
  • Social Media
  • Expectations
  • Competition
  • Nanny culture
  • Family history

But first it is important to understand what is Conduct Disorder?

Conduct Disorder is a mental condition. The behaviour goes beyond normal bullying to hurting people to Intensive disregard for societal norms and the rights, feeling, and personal space of other people. Children with conduct disorder are often difficult to diagnosed, as all kids act out sometimes. It is only when extreme behaviour shows up over a long period of time and isn’t caused by the child’s environment. And also if major age appropriate societal norms are violated or if their is a significant impairment in everyday functioning at home or school can be labeled as Conduct Disorder.

When we talk about normal behavior, it depends on the child’s age, character, and physical and emotional development. If their behaviour doesn’t match with family or societal expectations or is disruptive, it may become a problem. And that’s when intervention is needed.

Continue reading “What is Conduct Disorder And How To Handle It ?#MentalHealth #CauseAChatter”

How To Deal With Self-Defeating Behaviors? #CauseAChatter

Get out of your comfort zone, accept the change, be positive, be resilient, perseverance is the key to success are few things that we keep on listening. And why not? People who have growth mindset are the ones who follow all of these and are more successful in life. Most of us are aware about all these qualities but still there is something that holds us back and we fail to understand the real cause.  In my experience, people who fail to learn the lessons that life teaches them fall under the prey of self – defeating behaviour.

Self- defeating behavior works against your own interest. It keeps you away from the goals that you have set for yourself . They are distracting, self-loathing and self- sabotaging. Nothing can drive you crazier than knowing that you have been keeping yourself away from gaining love, success and happiness which you deserve and desire. Self-defeating behavior occurs when impulse wins over awareness. It might give you quick gratification but you will long for lasting satisfaction, it might give you immediate relief but ultimate resolution is what will make you happier. It is like a coping mechanism, which can make you feel better for a while but can be really be nasty in long run. Self defeating behavior is your biggest enemy, the earlier you get rid of it the better it is for you. There are many self defeating behaviours,  to name a few

  • Procastinating
  • Holding a grudge
  • Trying to change others or having expectations from them
  • Waiting until it’s too late
  • Always having to be right
  • Letting fear run your life
  • Becoming obsessive or compulsive
  • Feeling sorry for yourself

As with the most persistent patterns,  this behavior has roots in childhood experience.  Children who are abused or neglected in their childhood, feel unprotected and alone. Then there are children who do not lack affection but are not given adequate guidance, grow up feeling incompetent an incapable.  In both these cases they end up with stubborn self defeating behaviours. This kind of behavior are quite impulsive and people act without regard for long term consequences.

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How Inclusion Can Help In Employee Well-Being? #CauseAChatter

Mental health and diversity and inclusion are closely related. You cannot ignore the effect of racism and racial trauma on mental health at the same time the disparity in access to mental health care across various communities cannot be ignored. The inequality and lack of cultural competency in mental health treatment cannot be ignored. Employees from diverse backgrounds can face lack of representation, unconscious bias, and other stressors that impact their mental health and psychological safety at work. Nothing can be ignored as they all are deep rooted, but we do see a ray of hope.

Today the modern workplace is consists of people of different religion, ages, gender and ethnicity. And one of the reasons for this outcome is economic globalization. Many organizations have realized that diversity at workplace can bring lot of material as well as intangible benefits. However, diversity has their own challenges like discrimination, harassment. disrespect, indifferent attitude and many more which can lead to a nasty consequence. Hiring a diverse workforce is great but this is not enough if people don’t feel wanted and accepted. Diversity is one part of the equation, to balance this equation companies need to work on inclusion.

Therefore, many companies have adopted diversity and inclusion programs. Inclusion in the workplace is extremely important for any organization looking to build a strong sense of connections and belonging and an engaging culture. Inclusive workplace is where all the employees irrespective of their differences and disabilities feel welcomed and valued for their contribution.

Here we need to understand without inclusion, diversity effort will not succeed. Some of the important traits of inclusions are

Every employee should feel that they have a voice and will be heard.

Every employee should feel the sense of ownership. The feeling that you’re a part of an organization that knows and values you. 

Every employee should be given an environment for learning and development which makes them feel that companies care about their growth and aspirations.

Every employee should have access to resources which will aid them in their work.

Every employee should be provided with collaborative environment regardless of their role and department.

Ways to create inclusive culture

Firstly it is important to educate employees and leaders.

Secondly creating an environment for open communication where listening should be given priority.

Third and the most important is embracing employees to their full authentic self. As we all know we are at our best when we are our own authentic selves. Give employee freedom to explore their true potential.

Benefits of inclusive workplace

  • People are more committed towards their work.
  • People are more engaged with their work as they enjoy working.
  • People will have better wellbeing in their lives.
  • Reduction in attrition rate and people will stay with the company for a longer duration.
  • People will be more likely to recommend their company as a best working place.
  • Increase in productivity and sales.
  • Improved participation and decision making.
  • Reduce conflicts and miscommunication.
  • Brings out favorable work cultural and happy and satisfy employees.
  • Leads to increase in self- esteem and self- confidence.
  • Better ideas that leads to inflation of profits.

According to Deloitte’s article on diversity and inclusion, it states, “A growing body of research indicates that diverse and inclusive teams outperform their peers. Companies with inclusive talent practices in hiring, promotion, development, leadership, and team management generate up to 30 percent higher revenue per employee and greater profitability than their competitors. Without a strong culture of inclusion and flexibility, the team-centric model comprising diverse individuals may not perform well.”

Therefore, diversity with inclusiveness leads to positive growth not just for the employee but for the organization. It is time that each and every company should adopt this for the overall growth of our country and for better mental health of our employee.

This post is part of the Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter campaign.

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Impact of Body Image on Mental Health #CauseAChatter

Body dissatisfaction is the experience of negative thoughts and feelings about one’s body and appearance , is a powerful and consistent precursor of a whole range of unhealthy body-related behaviors. These includes : unhealthy dieting regimes and problematic eating behaviors (starving, bingeing and purging), clinical eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia), cosmetic surgery, extreme exercising and unhealthy muscle-enhancing behaviors in men and boys (such as taking steroids or other supplements ). It is also linked to depression, anxiety, sexual dissatisfaction and low self-esteem. Therefore body dissatisfaction is a significant risk for physical health, mental health, and thus well-being. Any factor, such as idealized media image, that increases body dissatisfaction is therefore an important influence on well-being.

  • I am fat
  • I am too skinny
  • I would be happy if I was taller
  • I would be happy if I was shorter
  • I would be happy if I had curly hair
  • I would be happy if I had straight hair
  • I would be happy if I was fairer
  • I would be happy if I was………A never ending list of complaints about how I look.

Do any of these statements sound familiar? Are you used to putting yourself down? If so you are not alone. However these are not thoughts which crept overnight. It has been there sub consciously and this all started slowly when you were a kid probably at a age of 2 years plus, when others have commented about you. Lots of people have trouble adjusting and this can affect their self esteem. If I say body image and self esteem are inter related, I am sure many of you will agree with me. Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect how you act. For example a person who has high self esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will enjoy life more. As far as Body-image is concerned it is how someone feels about his or her own physical appearance. Therefore, for most people, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem. That’s because as kids develop into teens and further adults, they care more about how others see them.

Continue reading “Impact of Body Image on Mental Health #CauseAChatter”
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