How To Deal With Self-Defeating Behaviors? #CauseAChatter

Get out of your comfort zone, accept the change, be positive, be resilient, perseverance is the key to success are few things that we keep on listening. And why not? People who have growth mindset are the ones who follow all of these and are more successful in life. Most of us are aware about all these qualities but still there is something that holds us back and we fail to understand the real cause.  In my experience, people who fail to learn the lessons that life teaches them fall under the prey of self – defeating behaviour.

Self- defeating behavior works against your own interest. It keeps you away from the goals that you have set for yourself . They are distracting, self-loathing and self- sabotaging. Nothing can drive you crazier than knowing that you have been keeping yourself away from gaining love, success and happiness which you deserve and desire. Self-defeating behavior occurs when impulse wins over awareness. It might give you quick gratification but you will long for lasting satisfaction, it might give you immediate relief but ultimate resolution is what will make you happier. It is like a coping mechanism, which can make you feel better for a while but can be really be nasty in long run. Self defeating behavior is your biggest enemy, the earlier you get rid of it the better it is for you. There are many self defeating behaviours,  to name a few

  • Procastinating
  • Holding a grudge
  • Trying to change others or having expectations from them
  • Waiting until it’s too late
  • Always having to be right
  • Letting fear run your life
  • Becoming obsessive or compulsive
  • Feeling sorry for yourself

As with the most persistent patterns,  this behavior has roots in childhood experience.  Children who are abused or neglected in their childhood, feel unprotected and alone. Then there are children who do not lack affection but are not given adequate guidance, grow up feeling incompetent an incapable.  In both these cases they end up with stubborn self defeating behaviours. This kind of behavior are quite impulsive and people act without regard for long term consequences.

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How Inclusion Can Help In Employee Well-Being? #CauseAChatter

Mental health and diversity and inclusion are closely related. You cannot ignore the effect of racism and racial trauma on mental health at the same time the disparity in access to mental health care across various communities cannot be ignored. The inequality and lack of cultural competency in mental health treatment cannot be ignored. Employees from diverse backgrounds can face lack of representation, unconscious bias, and other stressors that impact their mental health and psychological safety at work. Nothing can be ignored as they all are deep rooted, but we do see a ray of hope.

Today the modern workplace is consists of people of different religion, ages, gender and ethnicity. And one of the reasons for this outcome is economic globalization. Many organizations have realized that diversity at workplace can bring lot of material as well as intangible benefits. However, diversity has their own challenges like discrimination, harassment. disrespect, indifferent attitude and many more which can lead to a nasty consequence. Hiring a diverse workforce is great but this is not enough if people don’t feel wanted and accepted. Diversity is one part of the equation, to balance this equation companies need to work on inclusion.

Therefore, many companies have adopted diversity and inclusion programs. Inclusion in the workplace is extremely important for any organization looking to build a strong sense of connections and belonging and an engaging culture. Inclusive workplace is where all the employees irrespective of their differences and disabilities feel welcomed and valued for their contribution.

Here we need to understand without inclusion, diversity effort will not succeed. Some of the important traits of inclusions are

Every employee should feel that they have a voice and will be heard.

Every employee should feel the sense of ownership. The feeling that you’re a part of an organization that knows and values you. 

Every employee should be given an environment for learning and development which makes them feel that companies care about their growth and aspirations.

Every employee should have access to resources which will aid them in their work.

Every employee should be provided with collaborative environment regardless of their role and department.

Ways to create inclusive culture

Firstly it is important to educate employees and leaders.

Secondly creating an environment for open communication where listening should be given priority.

Third and the most important is embracing employees to their full authentic self. As we all know we are at our best when we are our own authentic selves. Give employee freedom to explore their true potential.

Benefits of inclusive workplace

  • People are more committed towards their work.
  • People are more engaged with their work as they enjoy working.
  • People will have better wellbeing in their lives.
  • Reduction in attrition rate and people will stay with the company for a longer duration.
  • People will be more likely to recommend their company as a best working place.
  • Increase in productivity and sales.
  • Improved participation and decision making.
  • Reduce conflicts and miscommunication.
  • Brings out favorable work cultural and happy and satisfy employees.
  • Leads to increase in self- esteem and self- confidence.
  • Better ideas that leads to inflation of profits.

According to Deloitte’s article on diversity and inclusion, it states, “A growing body of research indicates that diverse and inclusive teams outperform their peers. Companies with inclusive talent practices in hiring, promotion, development, leadership, and team management generate up to 30 percent higher revenue per employee and greater profitability than their competitors. Without a strong culture of inclusion and flexibility, the team-centric model comprising diverse individuals may not perform well.”

Therefore, diversity with inclusiveness leads to positive growth not just for the employee but for the organization. It is time that each and every company should adopt this for the overall growth of our country and for better mental health of our employee.

This post is part of the Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter campaign.

Pic Courtesy : Pexels/Google/Canva

Impact of Body Image on Mental Health #CauseAChatter

Body dissatisfaction is the experience of negative thoughts and feelings about one’s body and appearance , is a powerful and consistent precursor of a whole range of unhealthy body-related behaviors. These includes : unhealthy dieting regimes and problematic eating behaviors (starving, bingeing and purging), clinical eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia), cosmetic surgery, extreme exercising and unhealthy muscle-enhancing behaviors in men and boys (such as taking steroids or other supplements ). It is also linked to depression, anxiety, sexual dissatisfaction and low self-esteem. Therefore body dissatisfaction is a significant risk for physical health, mental health, and thus well-being. Any factor, such as idealized media image, that increases body dissatisfaction is therefore an important influence on well-being.

  • I am fat
  • I am too skinny
  • I would be happy if I was taller
  • I would be happy if I was shorter
  • I would be happy if I had curly hair
  • I would be happy if I had straight hair
  • I would be happy if I was fairer
  • I would be happy if I was………A never ending list of complaints about how I look.

Do any of these statements sound familiar? Are you used to putting yourself down? If so you are not alone. However these are not thoughts which crept overnight. It has been there sub consciously and this all started slowly when you were a kid probably at a age of 2 years plus, when others have commented about you. Lots of people have trouble adjusting and this can affect their self esteem. If I say body image and self esteem are inter related, I am sure many of you will agree with me. Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about yourself can affect how you act. For example a person who has high self esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will enjoy life more. As far as Body-image is concerned it is how someone feels about his or her own physical appearance. Therefore, for most people, body image can be closely linked to self-esteem. That’s because as kids develop into teens and further adults, they care more about how others see them.

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What IS OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)? And Ways To Deal With It

People suffering from OCD are not many, In fact only about 3% of adults have it and it is even less common in children. People generally mistake habits with OCD. However, there is a grey area between habits that we may have and OCD. For example, we may drive to work a certain way for the benefit of passing a favorite site , here we do not feel compelled to do so from a belief, but if we were to feel compelled to drive a certain route because not doing so would result in a car crash, such behavior could then be said to be OCD.

To come to any conclusion it is imperative to understand : What is an obsession?

As obsession is a thought which is recurrent and persistent or something which is inappropriate and unwanted. Now when the obsession continuous without showing any apparent cause, makes you distressed and make your life difficult, that is when intervention is needed. With obsession it is an image or thought that stuck with you and will only go away when you follow some other specific action and compulsion. In OCD, often the person will be aware that the original trigger for the action or compulsion, is simply a creation of their own mind, in spite of that they cannot get rid of these thoughts and images.

Now lets understand: What is a Compulsion?

It is nothing but a reaction to the obsession and must be adhered to rigidly, failure to do so will result in a major disaster. If someone suffering from OCD force herself/himself not to follow the compulsion may result in a huge increase in stress which can be released only by performing the compulsion. They have a feeling , by performing the compulsion repeatedly , they can actually get rid of their obsession. The sufferer knows it very well that performing these compulsion is illogical but as it worked at reducing the fear and tension in the past, they are compelled to repeat.

Are there any specific types of OCD?

Well, there are infinite types of OCD, it can impact on any thought, on any subject, on any person, on any fear, and frequently fixates on what’s important in a person’s life. Some of the known OCD’s are

  • Contamination: a fear of things that might be dirty or a compulsion to clean
  • Rumination : causes a person to spend an inordinate amount of time worrying, figuring out, trying to understand, analyzing or clarifying thoughts
  • Intrusive thoughts: are usually disturbing and the person often tries to resist them
  • Mental Contamination: Having a feeling of unwanted, being treated unfairly or feeling like you’ve been treated like a dirt.
  • Checking : Confirming if things are done in right way for example, checking up of locks, alarm systems, ovens, or light switches etc.
  • Symmetry or arranging : Wants things to be lined up in certain way.

Why people don’t open up and share their problems especially if it is related to mental health?

  • Fear of being judged : One of the most common cause is fear and being misjudged. The reason could be that people recognize the negative sigma and discrimination associated with it and don’t want to be labeled as “crazy” or, “mentally ill”.
  • Lack of awareness : A person my acknowledge that something is not normal but may not understand the real cause or consequences of it.
  • Fear of hurting people they love : Their is a sense of hopelessness. They feel they might hurt their near and dear once as this is considered as a taboo in the society and people might isolate them and their family.
  • Lack of understanding from others – It is very difficult to deal with someone with OCD as they don’t want to be treated differently. They don’t trust people as they feel no one will understand them.
  • Distrust : Not everyone is comfortable sharing and when something is related to as delicate as mental health people become more conscious. They worry that their personal information won’t be kept confidential.
  • Feeling of inadequacy ; Many people believe that they are inadequate or a failure if they won’t be able to handle this on their own.
  • Other Barriers : these barriers are more practical like inability to pay for treatment due to financial hardship or lack of health insurance. Not having reliable transportation, child care issues and appointments for treatment that conflict with work or school schedules can also prevent someone from engaging in treatment.

When do you know that you need an outside help?

According to the research, in terms of brain chemistry, insufficient serotonin levels may be a cause of OCD and that brain circuits appear to return to normal after taking serotonin medication or receiving cognitive behavioral psychotherapy.

It really disturbs me when I see that most of the time OCD goes unrecognized. According to the Obsessive Compulsion Foundation, studies show that it takes an average of seventeen years from the onset of OCD until the obtaining of appropriate treatment. What do you think would be the reason? Well as far as my experience with my clients, most of the time sufferer keep it a secret, as they feel no body will understand and most importantly access to appropriate treatment is not always available. This is a pity as with proper treatment patient can avoid suffering and can lessen the risk of developing further problems. In some cases it has been witnessed that after treatment, patient was fully cured or in some cases they have gained symptomatic relief.

How can you help someone suffering from OCD?

Offer support and understanding

It is very important that you clearly communicate to them that you do understand the difference between behavioral symptoms of OCD and the person. When compulsions are visible you need to convey to them that you know it is not them it is their OCD. This will help to reduce the person’s feeling of guilt and low self worth and in return can also help in diminishing of their stress and anxiety. Once they open up and discuss it becomes easier for you to understand how it affects them and how you can be more supportive.

Do not Comply with OCD behavior

Some times you comply with their request and do what pleases them, as you find it much easier then dealing with the prolonged anxiety, fear, or arguments that may arise if you don’t do what is asked. But this can act as a hindrance in their recovery process if they are undergoing any sort of treatment. Yes, It is important to normalize family or household routines at the same time refuse to participate in reinforcing OCD behaviors. 

Reach out for support for yourself and for the sufferer

Living with someone with OCD is not easy. Make sure you not only confide in someone who understands you and guides you . It is important to maintain your connections and supports among your extended family and friends. If need arises do not hesitate to consider professional support. Contact a telephone helpline for families of people with OCD and anxiety condition.

Treatments available

  • Psychotherapy
  • Medication
  • Relaxation
  • Neuromodulation
  • Transcranial Magnetic simulation

(You can google and find out these treatments in detail or can consult your Doctor)

I strongly believe, self awareness and acceptance can solve most of the problems. There is a saying that goes “the first page of the book of life is a mirror”. By understanding ourselves we can start to understand the nature of all things. We humans have a habit of ignoring our subconscious mind. Something which troubles or disturbs us we conveniently avoid rather than own and confront them. Knowing your strengths and weakness, accepting that they exist and work on them as needed can help us overcome any obstacle in life.

This Post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Campaign.

This blog post if part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.

@Swati Mathur

How Does Natural Environment Impact Our Mental Health #CauseAChatter

“Nature itself is the best physician” – Hippocrates

Mother earth has a healing power, there is something about the quite calm of nature that is contagious, leaving quite calm in the mind. Don’t you feel the same?

Nature provide us with great benefits some are more visible like food, shelter, air, water and some are less visible benefits. Surrounded by nature or just watching a picture or a movie of nature reduces stress , anger , fear and gives a pleasant feeling. Research done in many hospitals, offices, and schools have found that even a simple plant in a room can have a major impact on stress and anxiety.  Exposure to the natural world would help humans live happier, healthier lives. But not everyone is blessed to reap these benefits. Urbanization , decline in human contact with nature and increased screen time, amongst other factors, means that we spend the majority of our time indoors. It has become even more crucial to create opportunities for nature experience. Nature has given us everything in abundance but we human have exploited for our own pleasure and that’s why today we all are facing the heat. A clean and healthy environment is essential for human to feel positive.

Approaches to ensure nature have positive impact on human mind

Ecotherapy : Or green care or nature based interventions. This is a therapeutic approach that includes participating in structured outdoor activities such as gardening, food growing, nature walk and farming conservation work. All these proved to be extremely beneficial for improving mental health of the people. Ecotherapy shows that the environment, without doubt, is part of the foundation of our wellbeing. Experiencing nature has allowed us to rediscover our ties to both people and places , it helps us meet our need for connection and identity, ultimately giving our lives an enhanced sense of meaning. We are not separate from nature, but are an integral part of it.

Forest Therapy : It is yet another approach that contributes to improved emotional and cognitive health. This experience can be through a forest activity program and by experiencing the social and physical conditions of the forest environment and the therapeutic elements of the forest. Visiting or viewing a forest scene has a positive effect on psychological healing and well-being in terms of recovering from stress, improving concentration and productivity, improving the psychological state, particularly for people from urban environments.

Protecting Green spaces: From both climate and biodiversity perspectives, the protection of existing green spaces should be prioritized and evidence suggests these spaces also provide the largest health benefits.

How human have taken nature for granted!

Climate change: Climate change leads to psychological distress and anxiety about the future as it is considered as a global environment threat. It is very disheartening to see earth warming up at a steady pace. The reason for this is the increase in human-caused green house, which has lead to health, ecological and humanitarian crises.

Chemical Substances : As we know humans are exposed to wide range of chemical substances can results in mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and other psychiatric and neurological conditions. For this no one else to be blamed but us.

Noise pollution : Noise pollution affects mental health problems like annoyance, poor sleep, cognitive impairment etc. Noise is particularly relevant for children, as they are particularly vulnerable, including in settings such as schools. We human need to be more sensitive towards mother nature. It is like digging our own graveyard.

All the reasons mentioned above are man made and therefore it is our responsibility to preserve nature in all its aspects. E.O Wilson has rightly said “If all mankind has to disappear, the world would regenerate back to the rich state of equilibrium that existed then thousand years ago. If insect were to vanish, the environment would collapse into chaos”.

Men are considered as the most selfish creatures , but if it is about our own mental health effecting due to this mess , than it is our responsibility not to cause irreversible damage to our nature and regain back its beauty.

This Post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Campaign.

Habits that affect our lives and Ways to deal with them #CauseAChatter

A momentary impulse, an occasional indulgence, a passing whim may by repetition become a habit difficult to uproot, a desire hard to control, and finally an automatic function that is no longer questioned. By repeated gratification of a desire , a habit is formed and thus habitual conditioning can grow into compulsion – Nyanaponika Thera

We all repeat certain behaviour that is harmful to us, be it on an emotional, mental, spiritual or physical level. We may lie, procrastinate, nail biting, struggle to be punctual, snore, play with our hair, drink too much coffee or smoke twenty cigarettes a day?? Most of us reading this list would have identifies with at least one of the examples. All of these and many not listed , may be irritating or even detrimental to our health in the long run but does ease our tension in the short term.

Why is habitual behaviour is so intrinsic to our existence? Until now we have denied or ignored our habits, but as we understand that their is mind body connection , we have to acknowledge that there must be a connection between what we do physically and what we feel emotionally.

Issues with people and circumstances that causes strong emotions upsets or balance of emotions and that’s when we are more likely to experience mood swings, instability and persistence negative emotions.

How habits are formed?

Certain emotions which triggered certain behaviour when done repeatedly converts it into a permanent habit. Therefore behaviour has become ingrained response to a particular state of being and follows as a cycle. Lets take an example.

A housewife who is experiencing anger towards her husband, whom she experience as abusive and belittling. This causes huge resentment and anger. She does not want to accept the fact that her relationship is unhappy and that there s a serious problems in the home. She wants everything appears to be just fine. Literally, on the surface everything needs to look good. So she cleans and re-cleans to make everything sparkle- except of course herself, who is actually far from sparkling. Lets understand her cycle: Trigger emotions that makes her feel guilty. Not expressing her anger and allowing her husband’s words to make her feel small leads to self-esteem issues. This makes her sad and she loses her self confidence. The truth is that she is still not honest with herself and stay in a denial mode as in there is no problem in the relationship. As a result performing the habit makes her feel better as at least she can do something well and feel some sense of achievement and things appears to look all right on the surface. There are number of habits out of which i will be taking about those which seriously affects our lives and we are not even aware about it.

There are certain habits that seriously affect our lives

In spite of overwhelming proof that these habits can do more harm , most of us do indulge in at least one of them on regular basis. Why? Because they make us feel good while we are doing them.

Self Harming

Self harming is a way of dealing with emotional pain in a physical way. A history of abuse is most often the prime cause, be the abuse emotional, physical or sexual. Most of the time dismissed by the people who call this as an attention seeking behaviour. That’s the reason majority of self-harmers are secretive about their habit. Self-harmers are often understandable angry at the situation yet feel unable to do anything about it. In this case a person feels that they have little or no control in the outside world, harming gives one a feeling some degree of control, even if it causes harm to themselves.

When the emotional pain becomes so intense that we unable to feel and deal with it, harming our self physically becomes only way to deal with it. There are a number of different techniques which can be used to stop self harming:

  • Yoga and deep breathing exercise
  • Finding an outlet as a punch-bag to vent out anger on such as a sport
  • Keeping a journal and recording your feelings
  • Removing potential self harming objects
  • Starting to learn to talk to others about how you feel
  • Using ice cubes and holding them- its painful but not harmful

Skin picking

Skin picking results from a build up emotional stress and anxiety, which is relieved through picking. It is also a habit that involves much shame and guilt, which is why people seldom admit that they do it and seek help. The skin consists primarily of boundary and communication aspects (how we interact with out side world). Digging and picking into it is a way of getting to what;s under our skin that is what is bugging us. This picking relieves boredom, anxiety, sadness as emotional stress.

Issues with the skin are an indication that we do like, that we are showing to the world about ourselves. We somehow want or feel that we should be less flawed and we we seek to rectify the problems by picking at our faults, which makes us feel better when we are doing it, but guilty and shameful afterwards.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is commonly used a means to understand the emotions triggers to this problem. Once these are understood , alternative coping strategies are adopted like , using gloves or bandage to reduce sensory urge , enrolling in web base programs which involves commitment that aims to help you reach a greater understanding of the problem and to work to heal it. Taking a professional help is advisable.

Shop lifting

For each shop lifter there is a different underlining cause. For some it occurs as a result of professional activity, for some it could be a thrilling experience, for some its like they have an entitlement , as if society rules don’t apply to them and they believe themselves to be above other people, laws and rules. Some people do it due to socio-economic issues as they are deprived of attention, material requirements and love as a children. And there are some habitual shop-lifters, for them stealing is both thrill and an opportunity to take revenge on a society which they perceive has failed or wronged them. Another category is of Kleptomaniacs, they do not plan to steal and commonly take items for which they have little use.

How can you stop this? Realise that what you are doing is very harmful. Should you be caught, you may face a prison sentence or community service. Stealing is no way to retaliate against a society where the law is upheld. If you are tempted , visualize yourself being apprehended and the effect that this would have on yourself and on those you love. There may be underlining problems, such as depression, that are provoking you to steal. Get help before you are caught or find any other positive activity to replace stealing.

Hair pulling

While shame and guilt must be the overriding result of hair-pulling. Tension and frustration are its main causes. we feel flawed and therefore afraid to voice who we really are, for fear that those shortcoming will be revealed. Our shame act as an inner critic, telling us that we aren’t worthy of being listened to, that we aren’t bright enough, pretty enough or knowledgeable enough for our needs to be expressed. Our guilt and shame about our hair pulling, then, confirms this assumption. Feeling inadequate and constantly giving in to the will of others at the expense of our own creates huge tension which we relieve through hair-pulling.

There are few healing strategies one can adopt for example Cognitive Behavioural Therapy where in people are taught to identify the trigger points and then substitute the impulse with other, less harm full habits. Another way to deal with this is by simply interrupting their hair-pulling by putting bandages on their fingers or keeping records and journals of their need to pull and when and how it is triggered. There are some medical treatments available which can be adopted. Support groups have been very helpful, as simply knowing that they are not alone.

Can you change your habits? The answer is yes you can if you are determined…

The first and the foremost thing which you need to do is identify what triggers these habits. Follow few steps by answering these questions

  • Write down a habit which you would like to overcome and set a time limit for this.
  • Review the last three times you have exhibited that habit.
  • How did you feel emotionally, before performing the habit.
  • How did you feel physically.
  • How did the habit make you feel afterwards.
  • Is there a pattern.
  • How do other people respond.
  • What is the outcome of performing your habit.
  • What is it, that triggers your habit.

Having gained insight into what really triggers your behaviour, you need to look at ways in which you stop doing what you do.

Three ways to Stop these negative habits

Substitution

In this you substitute your behaviour with less harmful practice, for example you cannot stop snacking on chocolate, so before urge occurs, you have made the decision to substitute chocolate for fresh fruits, which you have to made sure is handy. Each victory, no matter how small, affirms the one to come. This substitution method works really well for most physical cravings.

Interruption

Our negative behaviour often occurs unconsciously. But once we become aware of what triggers the behaviour , we can decide on another action to take, before we do whatever habit it is we want to indulge in. For example if you often find yourself having too many cups of coffee, make a rule of having long glass of water, another example, if you know you get angry on particular situation, make a rule to count till 10. Such interruptions not only make us more aware of when we are acting in a particular manner, but by the time we have done them, they often also alleviate our need to act in that way altogether.

Affirmations and goal setting

Goal setting for your behaviour is a wonderful way of affirming your progress as well honestly identifying your downfalls. The key is not to focus on those days when things went wrong but to affirms those days you stuck with your plan. Affirmations are wonderful way of enhancing the process. By repeating the phrase you have decided upon, make it more of a reality. Make sure your affirmations are positive and is spoken in present tense, as if the desired behaviour is already been achieved.

These strategies will definitely work if you believe in yourself.

This post is part of Blogchatter #CauseAChatter

@SwatiMathur

Picture Courtesy /Edit : Pexels /Canva

Causes and Tips to Deal with Stress #CauseAChatter

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

I feel our lives are far more complicated and stressful now than were in the past.  Stress is a broad brushstroke, it is the finer, emotional detail that causes us to behave in particular way. According to me stress itself in not negative but the way we respond towards different situations or emotions makes it negative or positive. But it is immensely imperative to know what are the causes of stress and how can we deal with it before we gets into perceptual darkness.

Causes of Stress

Unable to Express

We get stressed over what we have suppressed as opposed to expressed.  When a person is unable to express his/her anger and repressed aggression feels completely powerless and this will not only increases stress level but, in many instances, manifested as depression.

Feeling Dis empowered

When a person feel that they have no control over what happens in their lives, it is as if they are mere pawns on a larger chessboard, where their contribution and performance doesn’t mean anything and do not guarantee maintaining their job. In 1990, a Labour Force Survey in Britain revealed that one percent of the population suffers from work related stress, anxiety disorder or depression and within span of five years, the percentage has risen to 30% and if the scale were to continue , the percentage would now be even higher.

Continue reading “Causes and Tips to Deal with Stress #CauseAChatter”
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