“My unhappiness was the unhappiness of a person who could not say no.” – Dazai Osamu
Many of us has a fear of being judged, rejected or disliked if we share what we really feel. And saying No is one such thing that doesn’t come easily. Probably because we want to please everyone to the point that we feel completely stressed out. Rejection is one of the biggest reasons why people find difficult to say No. They feel if they say No they might disappoint people and might come across as a rude or appear unkind.
I feel one does this as he or she is not sure about herself or himself. It is an indication of low self confidence and self belief. So what one should do?
Remember few things :
Saying No doesn’t mean you are a bad person
Value yourself more than anyone else
How important is it to say “Yes”. How many of you doubted your decision after saying yes for something? And then how many of you thought of different ways to get out of it? I am sure most of you. Think about the kind of stress and resentment you must have gone through. Wouldn’t it be must easier to say no in the first place?
I have gone through a feeling of anguish, stress and resentment not just once but many times and realized its not worth it.
If you are able to answer these pointers, things will become much more easier.
But it is not as simple as it sounds. It is quite deep rooted. As a child, saying No to elders considered as inappropriate and impolite. If you said no to your mom, dad, teachers or grandparents you would most certainly considered to be rude , so saying no would be off limits and yes was the polite and likable thing to say. As we grow we become more mature and know what is good or bad and how to react in different situations. Therefore, saying No should not be difficult. But sadly, the impact of things that we learn and experience in our childhood is so strong and deep rooted that we continue believing in things which are not right or relevant.
Therefore, it is important that one value their own opinions over others. If you look for other person’s approval you would never be able to decide anything by yourself and will remain unhappy and unsatisfied.
What happens when you say Yes, when you want to say “NO”
- It might injure your self esteem and pulls down your self confidence.
- It might be an end of a promising partnership and a once beautiful friendship.
- It might lead to an unsatisfied person who doesn’t not value himself/herself.
- You might fail in managing time as you will get into things that are neither important nor urgent.
- It leads to frustration and stress and makes you an unhappy person.
Being able to say “no” without fear or “yes” without resentment is a common dilemma. Unable to say “no” can actually lead to a toxic relationship and frustration will reach to a breaking point which one could avoid, if one learn to say “no”. When you cannot say “no” without resentment, it’s time to say stop!
Tips that help you in saying no
- Realize that not wanting to go along doesn’t make you stubborn, mean or defiant.
- Understand that not saying no can be taken as yes and can reinforce the unwanted behavior.
- Always be direct , such as ‘no I can’t’ or’ I don’t want to’. Do not leave any ambiguity in your communication.
- Do not give reasons for saying no, speak your mind without any hesitation.
- Do not lie, that may lead to guilt and can make you feel worse.
- Practice saying no with people whom you think will understand you. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.
- Do not give excuses like, I will let you know, as this may prolonged the situation and make you feel even more stressed.
Learning to say no will give you a feeling of freedom and empowerment.
“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker
This post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter
Imagemakeover 
Once we get over the feeling that if we say not then what will others think about me, and start doing what we feel right, then only we can motivate us to say No. Others the burden will always be there.
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In our culture, there is this inherent hesitation to say no. This lands people in unwanted situations and creates unnecessary stress. We all need to learn the art of saying no.
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We shouldn’t be changing decisions to please others. If it is something that you do not want to you are free to express and that does not make you look bad
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Actually we always say yes when we should say no keeping this in mind that what that person will think of mine. And this destroy our mental peace, self-esteem and overall mental health. We have to practice saying no and it’ll make us happy and comfortable.
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This is such an important mental health exercise to understand. Saying no can actually have positive effects since it saves us from undue pressure endurance to please others.
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This is such an important post, especially for me. I had hardly said NO to anyone earlier, it feels a lot of burden at heart, but since this pandemic, i have started talking self care and saying no when i want too. this post is a great help
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We usually not able to say ‘No’ just to please other. We suffer a lot but we are unable to say simple word No.
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I feel in most situations one should do what one feels best to do and not bow down to please others. however, in a few situations taking the latter course is advisable also. one should tread carefully is what I feel.
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Ah! It’s such a relevant post that I can’t help connecting to it. We can’t say NO in many situations and sometimes all courage and brains fail and we say Yes instead of No!
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Well said. I find it difficult to say no at times. It is usually in work settings or for people I love as I am worried about hurting them or making it difficult for them. But you rightly said, it is important to prioritize your feeling.
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I am learning to say no, even though it has been a slow and hard learning journey. Unfortunately, we have been taught to be adjusting and have learned over the years to say yes to things when we actually want to say no.
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One should know how to say NO, it’s important, even I teach my kids to understand the value of No which will help them in the future. This is an important post to be shared..
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Such a wonderful piece of advice you have shared in this post. saying no is hard in many cases but we have to do it when it put a sort of unnecessary pressure on us. for moms, it is most important to learn this tactic because by nature, they are always ready to serve others.
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I am trying to adapt to saying NO. Believe me its not easy. The Indian values of childhood taught us to be selfless but now the world is full of I, Me, Myself first. Not that it is wrong but it’s not easy to make the shift. I have started saying No and people look at me strangely.
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I was brought up in a very traditional and conventional family where girls were always supposed to be obedient and adjusting.I realized how bad it was when I started suffering because of landing in situations that were not good for me. Learning to say ‘No’, came with a lot of difficulties but helped me grow.
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Saying No is an art one has to learn with time and can be done mindfully with practise. The tips and pointers in the post are very helpful to excel in this art and stay in a balance for the mental health.
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It is really important to understand when to say no and be sure about it, I make sure my daughter follows it too
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For my whole life I was the one who could never say no to anyone even if I wasn’t comfortable doing it. The first time I said No to a friend, I lost a friendship, it was not easy. But soon I realized that people who matter will understand, others are not meant to be with us. Wonderful article!
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I have adapted saying no and it has its own pros and cons . Saying no can actually have positive effects since it saves us from undue pressure endurance to please others.
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I have often found myself stuck in this situation quite a few times both personally and professionally. I really find it hard to say no as with me expectations of the other party are high. I know it hurts me but I fear adversely affecting the terms. your article was a good read.
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We have been engraved with the always yes syndrome, no matter how much inconvenient it would be, but just say YES. It definitely kills the mental peace, and it is time we change the habit.
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I find it very hard to say No sometimes but I am learning each step. In some cases I have said no and it has worked wonders for me. Hopefully I will get there where I can easily say no when I do not want to do something. Thanks for this reminder as it surely impacts mental health.
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Once we start giving more importance to ourselves, and keep ourselves first, saying no to things that we dont intend to do, becomes easier. This is useful in both personal & professional life.
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The moment we start giving importance to ourselves, first, saying no to things that we dont intend to do or follow becomes easier. This is useful in both professional & personal life.
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We often find ourselves in situations like this when we feel compelled to say yes when we don’t have the time or the inclination to make that commitment. Your post is very insightful.
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Mental health is really very important as physical health.saying no ..saves you from pressure.. overthinking…saying no doesn’t make u bad person it’s very important to agree or disagree..for your mental health.
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