Category: Mental Health

Posted on

“Lost In The Web” – The Temptation Of Digital Distraction Can Be Extremely Tragic #Mental Health

Canva/Pexels

Once upon a time, in a quaint little town nestled amidst rolling hills and lush greenery, lived a young man named Abby. Abby was a bright and ambitious individual with dreams as vast as the sky. However, his aspirations were overshadowed by an obsession that gradually consumed him—the internet and his smartphone.

It all began innocently enough. Abby was introduced to the world of technology at a young age, and he quickly became enamored with the endless possibilities it offered. As he grew older, his fascination evolved into an obsession. He would spend countless hours glued to his smartphone, endlessly scrolling through social media feeds, binge-watching videos, and playing online games.

At first, Abby’s parents didn’t think much of his newfound obsession. They brushed it off as a harmless pastime, unaware of the depths to which Abby had become entangled in the digital world. As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, Abby’s behavior grew increasingly erratic. He would stay up late into the night, neglecting his studies, his health, and even his relationships.

His parents began to notice a change in their son. Abby became withdrawn, irritable, and distant. He would snap at them when they tried to intervene, dismissing their concerns with a wave of his hand. They pleaded with him to seek help, to step away from the screens that held him captive, but Abby refused to listen. He was convinced that he could handle it on his own.

But as time passed, Abby’s obsession spiraled out of control. His grades plummeted, his friendships crumbled, and his once bright future grew dimmer by the day. Yet, Abby remained blind to the destruction he was causing to himself and those who loved him.

Then, one fateful night, tragedy struck. In the midst of yet another marathon session on his smartphone, Abby failed to notice the danger lurking just beyond the screen. As he crossed the street, oblivious to his surroundings, a speeding car careened around the corner, its headlights illuminating the horror too late.

The impact was swift and merciless. Abby was thrown into the air like a ragdoll, his body landing lifeless on the cold pavement. His parents received the news with hearts shattered into a million pieces. They were devastated, wracked with guilt and grief over their inability to save their son from the clutches of his addiction.

In the wake of Abby’s tragic ending, his parents vowed to raise awareness about the dangers of internet and smartphone addiction. They turned their pain into purpose, advocating for greater support and resources for individuals struggling with similar issues.

But for Abby’s parents, the wounds of losing their beloved son would never fully heal. They would forever be haunted by the echoes of what could have been, mourning the loss of a bright young soul consumed by the darkness of digital obsession.

While technology and the internet offer incredible opportunities for connection and entertainment, excessive obsession and addiction to them can have devastating consequences. It emphasizes the importance of moderation, self-awareness, and maintaining a balance between digital engagement and real-life experiences. Additionally, the story underscores the significance of seeking help and support when struggling with addiction, as well as the profound impact that our choices can have on our lives and the lives of those we love.

Digital distraction refers to the phenomenon where individuals become diverted or unfocused from their tasks or activities due to the presence of digital devices, such as smartphones, computers, tablets, and the internet. This distraction can occur in various forms, including checking social media, browsing the web, playing games, or responding to notifications, among others.

Digital distraction can be both beneficial and harmful:

Benefits:

  1. Increased Connectivity: Digital devices facilitate communication and connection with others, enabling networking and collaboration on projects or ideas.
  2. Access to Information: The internet provides vast amounts of information on virtually any topic, which can be beneficial for learning, research, and problem-solving.
  3. Entertainment and Relaxation: Digital media offers a multitude of entertainment options, including streaming services, games, and social platforms, which can help individuals relax and unwind.
  4. Productivity Tools: Digital tools and applications can enhance productivity by streamlining tasks, organizing schedules, and providing resources for work or personal projects.

Harms:

  1. Decreased Productivity: Constant access to digital devices can lead to distractions that impede productivity, as individuals may spend excessive time on non-essential activities.
  2. Impaired Focus and Attention: Digital distractions can disrupt concentration and focus, making it difficult to engage fully in tasks or activities that require sustained attention.
  3. Negative Impact on Mental Health: Excessive use of digital devices has been linked to various mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and social isolation, particularly when individuals compare themselves to others on social media or experience cyberbullying.
  4. Physical Health Risks: Prolonged use of digital devices, especially without breaks, can lead to physical health problems such as eye strain, neck and back pain, and poor posture.

Controlling digital distraction is possible through various strategies:

  1. Setting Boundaries: Establishing specific times or situations for digital device use and implementing rules, such as turning off notifications during focused work periods.
  2. Prioritizing Tasks: Identifying and prioritizing important tasks can help individuals allocate their time and attention more effectively, reducing the likelihood of succumbing to digital distractions.
  3. Utilizing Productivity Tools: There are numerous apps and tools available that can help individuals manage their time, organize tasks, and block distracting websites or applications.
  4. Practicing Mindfulness: Being mindful of digital usage habits and their impact on productivity and well-being can help individuals make conscious choices about when and how to engage with digital devices.
  5. Taking Breaks: Incorporating regular breaks into daily routines allows individuals to recharge and refocus, reducing the temptation to succumb to digital distractions continuously.

Overall, while digital distraction offers benefits in terms of connectivity, information access, and entertainment, it can also pose significant challenges to productivity, focus, and well-being. By implementing strategies to control digital distraction, individuals can harness the benefits of digital technology while minimizing its negative effects.

Several companies and organizations are working to address digital distractions and promote healthier relationships with technology. Here are a few examples:

  1. Apple: With features like Screen Time, Apple provides users with tools to monitor and limit their screen time, set app usage limits, and schedule downtime away from screens.
  2. Google: Google offers similar features through Digital Wellbeing, which includes tools for tracking screen time, setting app limits, and enabling a “Wind Down” mode to help users disconnect before bedtime.
  3. Forest: Forest is a productivity app that helps users stay focused and reduce distractions by growing virtual trees. When users set a timer to focus on a task, their tree grows, but if they leave the app to check their phone, the tree dies.
  4. Freedom: Freedom is a website and app blocker that allows users to block distracting websites and apps across their devices for set periods, helping them stay focused and productive.
  5. RescueTime: RescueTime is a time-tracking tool that helps users understand how they spend their time on digital devices, providing insights and reports to help them make more informed decisions about their digital habits.
  6. Time Well Spent: Time Well Spent is a movement and organization focused on advocating for technology that promotes well-being and human flourishing. They work to raise awareness about the impact of technology on mental health and promote design practices that prioritize user well-being.

These companies and initiatives are just a few examples of the growing awareness and efforts to address digital distractions and promote healthier relationships with technology.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.

Posted on

Echoes of Regret: The Unspoken Story of Emily and Lily” #MentalHealth

Canva/ Pexels

Today marks the first occasion where I share a story to explain what I really meant when I say empathy, understanding and forgiveness are rare virtues, or more accurately, embark on my journey into the realm of fiction by putting pen to paper and crafting a narrative that has been brewing within me for some time.

In the bustling halls of their college, there were two girls who were known to be not so close friends, yet fate intertwined their lives in unexpected ways. One was Emily, a vision of beauty with her flowing hair and captivating smile, while the other was Lily, not as conventionally attractive but possessed a sharp mind that rivaled any academic challenge.

Despite sharing classes and occasional study sessions, there was an unspoken tension between them. Lily couldn’t help but envy Emily’s effortless charm and the attention she effortlessly garnered from everyone around them.

Their paths diverged when they were assigned to work on their dissertation together in a different city. Emily, with her usual grace, made arrangements for their trip, while Lily seethed with jealousy at the prospect of spending more time in Emily’s shadow.

As they embarked on their journey, Lily’s envy consumed her, leading her to commit a foolish act. In a moment of desperation, she stole Emily’s money and mobile phone, hoping to sabotage her in some way.

However, her plan backfired when she was caught red-handed by Emily. Shock and betrayal clouded Emily’s face as she confronted Lily, unable to comprehend her friend’s actions.

The news of the theft spread like wildfire through the college, tarnishing Lily’s reputation and leaving her isolated in a sea of judgmental stares. Despite her remorse, the damage was done, and Lily found herself drowning in guilt and shame.

Their time together in the other city came to an end, marked by an uncomfortable silence between them. Once they returned home, they drifted further apart, no longer in touch with each other.

Months passed, and Emily heard whispers of tragic news circulating through the college corridors. It was said that Lily had passed away due to complications from HIV.

The news struck Emily like a bolt of lightning, leaving her reeling with shock and disbelief. She couldn’t fathom how her once not so close friend had met such a tragic end.

As Emily grappled with the truth, she realized that she never truly knew the depths of Lily’s struggles. Behind her envy and resentment, Lily carried burdens that Emily could never comprehend.

In the end, their story remained shrouded in uncertainty, leaving Emily haunted by unanswered questions and a sense of loss for the friend she never truly knew.

The story could be interpreted in several ways, but one key takeaway could be the importance of empathy, understanding, and forgiveness in relationships.

  1. The story highlights the consequences of envy and jealousy and how they can lead to destructive behavior. By empathizing with others and recognizing their struggles and insecurities, we can avoid acting on negative emotions and harming those around us.
  2. The characters in the story are portrayed with their own flaws and insecurities, illustrating that everyone has their own struggles and challenges. Understanding that people are more than just their outward appearances or actions can foster compassion and connection.
  3. Despite the betrayal and hurt caused by Lily’s actions, the story suggests that forgiveness is essential for healing and moving forward. Emily’s realization that she never truly knew the depths of Lily’s struggles highlights the importance of forgiveness and letting go of resentment.

Overall, the story emphasizes the value of empathy, understanding, and forgiveness in fostering healthy relationships and navigating the complexities of human emotions. It encourages readers to look beyond surface appearances, extend grace to others, and cultivate empathy and forgiveness in their interactions with others.

Modern society often emphasizes individualism and self-interest over collective well-being. This focus on personal achievement and success can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding for others’ experiences and struggles.

While technology has connected us in many ways, it has also created barriers to genuine human connection. Social media, in particular, can promote comparison, jealousy, and a superficial understanding of others’ lives, making it harder to empathize with their real-world experiences. Society is increasingly polarized, with people retreating into echo chambers where their beliefs and opinions are reinforced. This can breed intolerance, judgment, and a lack of empathy towards those who hold different views or identities.

Many people today lead busy, stressful lives, leaving little time or energy for cultivating empathy and understanding. In the rush to meet deadlines and responsibilities, relationships can suffer, and conflicts may go unresolved.

Despite these challenges, empathy, understanding, and forgiveness are more important than ever in today’s world. Empathy and understanding are essential for building strong, meaningful connections with others. By listening attentively, seeking to understand different perspectives, and showing compassion for others’ experiences, we can foster deeper relationships based on mutual respect and trust. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but empathy and forgiveness can help facilitate resolution and reconciliation. By empathizing with others’ feelings and perspectives, we can find common ground and work towards resolving conflicts in a constructive manner.

Cultivating empathy, understanding, and forgiveness not only benefits our relationships with others but also contributes to our own personal growth and well-being. By practicing empathy, we develop greater emotional intelligence, resilience, and compassion, which can lead to greater fulfillment and happiness in our lives.

I’d appreciate your feedback on my debut fiction story; I’m eager to hear your thoughts!

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Bohemian Bibliophile.

Posted on

Creating a Safe Internet Environment at Home: Best Practices for Parents

According to Nationally representative poll, two third of parents are worried about children’s  increased time on devices, including overall screen time and use of social media, taking number 1 and number 2 spots on the children’s health concerns this year.(Hindustan Times). 

Recent Common Sense Media research shows that media use by tweens (ages 8–12 years) and teens (ages 13–18 years) rose faster in the two years since the COVID-19 pandemic than the four years before. The research found 8- to 12-year-olds spend an average of five and a half hours a day on screens and consuming media. That rate climbs to over eight and a half hours a day for teens.

Among teens, 79% said they use social media and online videos at least once a week, and 32% of these said they “wouldn’t want to live without” YouTube. And nearly two-thirds (65%) of tweens said they watch TV, 64% watch online videos and 43% play games on a smartphone or tablet every day.

In another survey, 71% of parents with younger children (under 12 years old) said they were concerned about their child spending too much time in front of screens

Quite alarming right?

Technology inherently neither beneficial nor detrimental. It all depends upon its usage. But again, it is the responsibility of a parent to assess what is developmentally appropriate for their child. This can be done by informing children about pros and cons of specific digital media consumed by them. But again, the question arises is how much is too much. The answer is not that straight forward. There are various factors that are involved in this.

First and foremost, what type of digital media your child is consuming, be it games, social media, the news, online videos, apps, texting, FaceTime, educational content etc?

Secondly what is the motivation behind using technology be it peer pressure, boredom, research, socializing or just a feelgood factor?

Thirdly, how much time a child is spending on using technology  and doing any other things like reading book, sleeping, playing etc.?

Fourthly, whatever a child is watching is it aligning with the family values or not?

It also depends upon child’s personal attributes like, his or her personality, mental health condition, age, etc.

Lastly, what is the setting of child using any technology, is he watching alone, or with friends, or with an unknown person.

Only when all these questions are considered, you would be able to answer how much  screen time is actually Ok.

Concern remains the same if we don’t find a solution to control what they should watch and for how long? I have come across a word called digital diet. It is like any other healthy diet we look for a child. For example, how much sugar a child should consume? Neither too much nor too less, anything which is balanced. Similarly, Digital diet is consuming digital media without compromising on their physical and cognitive learning and development.

It might seem overwhelming but with all the information available online be it parental control, parenting groups, scholarly research, monitoring apps and Happinetz technology which is definitely a revolution in this digital world, parenting do look possible.

Happinetz is a safe internet for kids’ box that connects to your home router wired or wirelessly. Once connected, it creates a separate WiFi which filters out age-inappropriate internet and helps you set screen time schedules for devices connected to this WiFi. Happinetz continuously monitors more than 110 million websites and apps and is preconfigured to block more than 22 million adult and unsecured websites.

  • Exhaustive filtering system
  • Customizable internet schedule
  • Insight to help parents monitor what websites & apps children are opening
  • Quick setup: A quick 2 step-5 minutes process
  • Zero kid involvement: No need to download apps on your child’s device
  • Device compatibility: Connect up to 10 devices, including Android or iOS phones, tablets, laptops, and smart TVs.

By using Happinetz you will definitely be solving much of your problems but with this we can also make a Family Technology Plan. In this plan you can list down certain rules.

  • Device can only be used after finishing studies and before dinner and should not be used during mealtime, school time and before going to bed.
  • Device can be used only for 30 mins at a stretch.
  • What type of digital media to be used need to be decided like, YouTube, WhatsApp etc.
  • Where to use the device? For example, in the presence of parents or in common area etc.

“Just like you would watch out for them on the corner or at the park, you watch out for them online.”…Need of the hour.

 This post is a part of Happinetz – Safe Internet For Kids  https://www.happinetz.com/product/happinetz-box 

Posted on

10 Virtues To Stay On Top Of Your Game

Who doesn’t want to stay on top of the game. It’s my desire and It’s a desire of millions of people too. The most important or I can say the bottom line of success journey is that it starts with a thought which leads to action. When we do each thing full-speed ahead with the best of our ability, doors open.

So go as far as you can see, and when you get there you will always be able to see further.

I knew a boy who worked in the grocery store across the street. During covid time, most of the stores used to keep limited inventory and most of the shopkeepers were borrowing from one another. This boy used to run from one shop to another so that they can serve the customer. One day when I visited the store I asked one of the shopkeeper why this boy always run everywhere he went. So this shopkeeper replied that he is working for a raise, and he is going to get one, I then asked him how he knew that he is going to get a raise, and the shopkeeper replied “If the man this boy is working for won’t give him one, I will.

When we do more than we are paid to do, eventually we will be paid more for what we do.

Maintain five attitude in your life and you will be well on your way to the top. First is self esteem, feeling of your own worth influences every facet of your life. The second attitude is Love, attitude towards others, real love always thinks in terms of what is best for the other person. The third is faith, attitude towards God, it will influence your attitude towards people around you. The fourth attitude is hope, attitude towards your future, it is the realistic expectation that something good is going to happen. The fifth attitude is forgiveness, which deals with our past. The ability to forgive others.

Maintaining the right attitude is easier than regaining the right attitude.

Sometimes little mistakes and failures come in our way that are not earth shattering or life changing but they cause a momentary stop in our progress. So what do you do? First thing is acknowledge that you are in a trouble. Step two is recognize that this is neither permanent nor life threatening. Accept responsibility for improving your circumstances and you will realize that you have turned a small tragedy into a big win.

Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker.

A study of three hundred world class leaders including Mahatama Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Sir Winston Churchill Jr, Martin Luthur King, revealed that 25% of them had serious physical disabilities and an additional 50% has been abused as children or were raised in poverty. All of them responded positively instead of reacting negatively towards their situation. Remember, It’s not what happens to you, It’s how you handle what happens to you that’s going to make the difference in your life.

Where you start is not as important as where you finish.

Merlin Olsen, an American football player, who played in NFL Pro Bowl fourteen times as an American defensive player. Once his mother asked him a question, “What would you like to be”? he said “I want to be big and and be athletic. His ambition doesn’t seemed practical then as everyone in his family were small in stature and because he was clumsy he was never chosen to be part of the game. But rest is history.

Persistence is what makes the impossible possible, the possible likely, and the likely definite.

The proper utilization of our time and resources involves some truth which are so simple and basic that many people miss them completely. We need to understand that there is no point in doing well those things which we should not be doing at all. When you take on a task , you should ask yourself, if this is something you should be doing? Focus on effective use of time, rather than efficient use of time.

Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things.

Good habits must be grabbed firmly, forcefully, with a strong commitment. Regardless of how you feel at the moment, any decision reinforced by your will to take action on your commitment, will produce some marvelous results in an amazingly short period of time.

If you want to change your life for the better, you must start immediately and do it flamboyantly.

Most people who fail in their dream, fail not from lack of ability but from lack of commitment. Commitment produces consistent, enthusiastic effort that inevitably produces greater rewards. Commitment, discipline and responsibility keep you going when the going gets tough.

You are the way you are because that’s the way you want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now.

It is a fact of life that you need to know where you are and where you want to be. The goal setters earned an average of twice as much per month as the non action group. Action group tended to be more enthusiastic, more satisfied with life and work and have happier and healthier life.

It seems universally true that people who have direction in their lives go farther and faster and get more done in all areas of their lives.

Inspired by Zig Ziglar

This blog post is written for SpeakEasy 3.0 hosted by Dipika Singh (www.gleefulblogger.com) and Ruchi Verma (www.wigglingpen.com)

Posted on

What is Mid-Life Crisis And How To Survive It? #MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

I remember on my fortieth birthday my family organized a special party. Everyone especially my kids and hubby were really excited, they wanted to give me a surprise but me being a one man army when it comes to my house work, nothing can be hidden from me. So that was something which they weren’t really happy about but can they really do anything about it? of course not..hahaaha. Amidst the wishes, something struck me, don’t know what but all I could hear was, ” we are sorry you have reached so far”, I know it was all in my head, It was my imagination but that made me question myself, ‘ Where did my life go? ,’Have I achieved anything worthwhile? I couldn’t believe I am already in my forties.

But to be frank I am a positive sole, who love herself too much to be affected by all these but I know people who do get paranoid and get into their own cocoon. This is probably the midpoint of your life. For the first time you must have noticed grey hair, weight gain, wrinkles, the real sign of ageing. Why forties are stressful? have you ever thought? The major life event occurs during this time, deteriorating health of parents, children leaving home and that’s why emotionally you are completely drained out while taking stock of current situation. After years of striving to make it to the top professionally and personally, your career and life may also reach a plateau. So, it is quite natural to feel boredom or disenchantment to set in. Menopause is another well-known effect during this time which can be extremely depressing. Self-questioning, unexpected anger, lack of motivation, self-doubt, lack of ambition, depression, anxiety, attracted towards unhealthy options are few symptoms during this phase.

But hold on, this can also be a time for healthy changes that lead to a fulfilling middle and older age.

Can we deal with this?

Coping with mid-life crisis definitely takes time and effort, but it can help you find greater satisfaction and pleasure in life.

  • Acceptance is the key. Accept that ageing is inevitable and decline is not. With acceptance, you allow yourself to grieve losses and which is absolutely needed and normal too.
  • Sharing will bring peace. By sharing your feelings, you can relive fears and frustration that you are going through.
  • Introspect what happened, what is happening and what can happen. Make it a habit of spending time thinking about your life. This will give you a better perspective towards life.
  • Rediscover you relationship with your partner. This will help you to bond better with them.
  • Set new SMART goals for yourself that are exciting and realistic too.
  • Try out new things and surprise yourself. Be it sport, hobby or a certification courses which can add value in your life.
  • Make a travel itinerary. Visit places which have always fascinated you. This will provide you with some rich experience at the same time can make you feel refreshed.
  • Contribute towards society, by working with non-profit organizations, this will give you peace of mind and immense satisfaction. You will feel fulfilled.
  • Spend quality time with your loved ones especially your children.
  • Maintain healthy lifestyle, by eating healthy food, indulging in fitness regime like, yoga, gym etc.

Look at mid-life as your greatest opportunity. It may help you to takeout time and write down a list of all things that you would like to achieve with the second half of your life. Instead of imagining your life bleak, visualize it as a full of opportunities and possibilities. Allow your mid-life to be a time of creative change. Although it may be painful at first, it can be your greatest opportunity for having the life you want or gaining a sense of peace.

Chris Wildt has rightly said ” I have decided middle age is hard to determine- it depends on how long you live”.

This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.

Posted on

Don’t Let Others Control Your Life #MentalHealth

Few days back I came across something very fascinating that perturbed me to the core. Have you heard about Alice In the wonderland syndrome? Yes you read it write. Yes, it is about Alice In the wonderland story and to be more precise one of the character Cheshire Cat, who would alternate between visible and invisible while its smile would always remain. Will explain you about this syndrome with a help of an example for a better clarity.

Megha, 32-year-old HR professional, consider herself “the queen of people-pleasures”. why? Well, Megha smiled through all her relationships be it with her parents, bosses, friends and lovers. Mostly HR shares love-hate relationship with the employees but she was admired and appreciated by each and every one in her organization. She cared so much about what others would think and feel about her that she lost a track of herself. It is like you have given the key to your self-esteem to other people’s opinions and each time they can pull that up or down based upon their own whims and fancies. She was tired, exhausted and in complete stress. But was not aware what was causing this and that’s when she decided to go for a therapy.

She was always happy whenever she is surrounded by people who matters to her but now, in therapy, her face was twisted with pain. She hardly remembers anything about her childhood but remember other people quite vividly. She was able to recall when her Mom or Dad seemed happy or sad, enthused or exhausted, cheerful or angry but vaguely about her own emotions.

Do You know WHY?

This is because as a child, she has learned , that the way to feel safe is to do whatever made an angry dad smile or a depressed mom happy and how not to make them angry or depressed. Rather than focusing on her sense of growth, life or capabilities her efforts go into making her home a safe and a happy place to live. As a result, her happiness depends upon how others feel about her. She lost her own identity and that can be very fatal in long run.

When we are too much concern about other people’s desire, like and dislikes and carry it into the adulthood, there is a possibility of developing a weak personality that can be shaken by anyone. Such people can get into prove-show-hide-please personality, where in, you are just trying to please and prove others, show that you are worthy and try hiding unpleasant truths which leads to more and more stress.

Why You Get Into Prove-Show-Hide-Please Personality?

When you put all your efforts to please others and your motivation is only to prove others, you stop believing in yourself. You always wait for other’s validation and acknowledgement. Showing yourself to be worthy does not come from a happy place it comes from your deep-rooted anger and hurt. It is a response to the perception that others don’t believe you and you have to constantly demonstrate your authenticity.

The impulsion to hide something comes from fear, fear of being misunderstood or being unforgiven. You become defensive of being attacked, especially when you make a mistake. You not only live a secret life but you hide your true feelings and true personality not only from others but from yourself too. You want to please others because you want to feel accepted and loved.

Not sure how many of you would agree with me, but most of us to a certain extent link our well-being to the mood of another person, especially in a close relationship. We do it unintentionally or unconsciously and can rationalize living that way for a while, hoping to come back to our own life one day. But if we take it too long in realizing, we might just loose our way forever.

Now Let’s talk about how to deal with it and what actions need to be taken

  • Rate yourself on the scale of 0 to 10, where do you stand when it comes to Prove-Show-Hide-Please personality type. How much energy are you putting in, in order to prove others. If it is 0 it’s none and if 10, it’s all. Similarly, do it for show, hide and please and see where do you stand.
  • If the sum of all four is 20, you are probably living more for others than yourself.
  • Read about Stephen covey theory “circle of concern Vs circle of control”. Remember you cannot control what people think about you but you can definitely have a full control on what you think or do about your life. You have very little power to make others happy and none to keep them happy, so why putting yourself in a situation that can affect you negatively.
  • Speak your mind out by being assertive. Being honest about your feelings can make you come across as a very sorted person, no one will dare to take advantage of you and can keep you at peace with yourself.
  • Monitor your follow through by rating yourself once a month, as in step one.

Don’t forget ” You cannot live for others without losing your self”.

Posted on

Steps To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself #MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

I am a failure, life has been unfair to me, I deserve only bad things in life, these are some of the examples, when a person feels sorry for himself/herself. Self pity feeds on itself. When we reckon a sorrowful image and a lack of faith, things tend to go wrong, which will give you more reasons to feel sorry for yourself. It is a vicious cycle and if it continuous long enough, you run the risk of appearing pathetic and miserable.

But do you think people get trapped in this kind of behavior voluntarily? of course not. Life is not easy , in face it is not meant to be easy. I know this is the last thing one like to here when you are in the midst of self pity. You don’t get what you deserve, relationships ends, and life becomes a struggle. There can be multitude of things that don’t go the way you want them to so it’s quite natural to feel sorry for ourselves.

And when so much is going on in life, its absolutely Ok to have the blues for a while, in fact, it is important to feel the emotion instead of suppressing it. However, it becomes a problem when you get stuck in self pity and it becomes your default action.

But when you get stuck in this kind of feeling it means that you are following the path of nerve learning from your mistakes and at the same time you ate stopping yourself from being empowered.

Do you know if you get trapped in this kind of mind set for a long period of time there is a great amount of possibility of leading thyself into some kind mental health conditions which can be really matter and life threatening.

Even more alarming; recently I have read an article written in The Independent states that says, self pity can be as bad for your heart as smoking 20 cigarettes a day!

Self pity, is not an emotion in itself; it’s a state of mind. It happens when you focus too much on your own problems and believe you are a victim of circumstance. This mental focus leads you to feel negative emotions like sadness, anxiety, hurt, jealousy, hatred and helplessness.

The best part is that their are numerous ways that one can adopt in order to change this mindset. Earlier you work on it, better it is for yourself and for people around you.

When a person tries to see the glass half empty instead of seeing it half full, the glass will get drier and drier. Feeling sorry for oneself has become a common problems which can diffuse only pain. It could be a product of your past, like you being a victim of child abuse, or neglected by parents or it could be a recent tragedy such as the death of loved ones, financial setbacks or it could be something to do with your unchangeable personal characteristics like being fat or ugly. Some people are chronic self pitiers, they just find some new reason to feel sorry for themselves, for such people there sentences start from “If only..”.

I agree this kind of behavior could be comforting for a while and can distract you for sometime but can have negative long term effect, wherein people start avoiding you, you might loose respect and they might not expect much from you. Stuck in the past for too long will not let you create a better future.

So now lets focus on what can you do to overcome this behavior which can be lethal

Set By Step Solution

  • Try to identify what triggers you and learn to recognize when you are feeling sorry for yourself.
  • Be more compassionate towards yourself and express the emotion without the fear of being judged.
  • Convince yourself that it is a waste of time and energy and other are getting benefitted from it and your own people will go through the same pain.
  • Change the inner question from why to what. Instead of why is this happening to me or why did he do that? ask what can I do different to overcome thus situation?
  • Try to perceive things differently, instead of seeing the glass of water half empty, see it as a half full. Our perception creates our reality and by changing our viewpoint, we are able to change any experience.
  • Indulge yourself in some kind of social work, do something for underprivileges people. This can make you aware about your standing in the society and you will know how blessed you are. Remember you can’t feel pride and self pity at the same time
  • Make a list of things you are grateful for…gratitude journal.
  • Join a support group and you will realize you are not alone.

“Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belong to you”. ~ LAO TZU

This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.

Posted on

Saying Yes When You Want To Say No- Is This Affecting You Mentally? #CauseAChatter #MentalHealth

“My unhappiness was the unhappiness of a person who could not say no.” – Dazai Osamu

Many of us have a fear of being judged, rejected or disliked if we share what we really feel. And saying No is one such thing that doesn’t come easily. Probably because we want to please everyone to the point that we feel completely stressed out. Rejection is one of the biggest reasons why people find difficult to say No. They feel if they say No they might disappoint people and might come across as a rude or appear unkind.

I feel one does this as he or she is not sure about herself or himself. It is an indication of low self confidence and self belief. So what one should do? Remember few things :

Saying No doesn’t mean you are a bad person

Value yourself more than anyone else

How important is it to say “Yes”. How many of you doubted your decision after saying yes for something? And then how many of you thought of different ways to get out of it? I am sure most of you. Think about the kind of stress and resentment you must have gone through. Wouldn’t it be must easier to say no in the first place?

I have gone through a feeling of anguish, stress and resentment not just once but many times and realized its not worth it.

If you are able to answer these pointers, things will become much more easier.

But it is not as simple as it sounds. It is quite deep rooted. As a child, saying No to elders considered as inappropriate and impolite. If you said no to your mom, dad, teachers or grandparents you would most certainly considered to be rude , so saying no would be off limits and yes was the polite and likable thing to say. As we grow we become more mature and know what is good or bad and how to react in different situations. Therefore, saying No should not be difficult. But sadly, the impact of things that we learn and experience in our childhood is so strong and deep rooted that we continue believing in things which are not right or relevant.

Therefore, it is important that one value their own opinions over others. If you look for other person’s approval you would never be able to decide anything by yourself and will remain unhappy and unsatisfied.

What happens when you say Yes, when you want to say No

It leads to frustration and stress and makes you an unhappy person.

It might injure your self esteem and pulls down your self confidence.

It might be an end of a promising partnership and a once beautiful friendship.

It might lead to an unsatisfied person who doesn’t not value himself/herself.

You might fail in managing time as you will get into things that are neither important nor urgent.

Being able to say “no” without fear or “yes” without resentment is a common dilemma. Unable to say “no” can actually lead to a toxic relationship and frustration will reach to a breaking point which one could avoid, if one learn to say “no”. When you cannot say “no” without resentment, it’s time to say stop!

Tips that help you in saying no

Realize that not wanting to go along doesn’t make you stubborn, mean or defiant.

Understand that not saying no can be taken as yes and can reinforce the unwanted behavior.

Always be direct , such as ‘no I can’t’ or’ I don’t want to’. Do not leave any ambiguity in your communication.

Do not give reasons for saying no, speak your mind without any hesitation.

Do not lie, that may lead to guilt and can make you feel worse.

Practice saying no with people who will understand you. This will get you feeling a lot more comfortable with saying no.

Do not give excuses like, I will let you know, as this may prolonged the situation and make you feel even more stressed.

Learning to say no will give you a feeling of freedom and empowerment.

“Live your life for you not for anyone else. Don’t let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself” ~Sonya Parker

This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.

Posted on

Mind-Body Approach To Manage Chronic Pain #MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

Recently I have come across people who are suffering from chronic pain from decade and it is quite heartening to listen to their stories. And that’s when I have decided to understand what chronic pain is and how one can deal with it. And to my surprise the brain and central nervous system play a much more significant role in chronic pain than we once thought.

Let’s first understand what chronic pain is all about?

Pain that lasts beyond 6 months and negatively affects person’s well-being is what chronic pain is all about. So basically the pain that continuous when it should not be and leads to other health conditions like anxiety and depression, resulting in a low health-related quality of life.

I believe most of us will or would have been faced pain in our lives, be it physical or emotional, caused by illness or an unhappy moments. So what you would have done? Many of us must have avoided it which is good as when you experience pain your brain signals you to stop doing whatever is causing the pain, preventing further harm to your body. But remember pain is not meant to last for long but if it does it could be physically and emotionally stressful. Chronic pain changes the levels of stress hormones and neurochemicals within your brain and nervous system that can lead to change in mood, thinking and behavior.

Let’s talk about the impact of Chronic pain in people’s daily life.

People who are suffering from chronic pain are increasing at super sonic speed and so does the number of opioid prescriptions, surgeries, and the doctor’s visit. Economic cost of chronic pain is skyrocketing and the impact on the individual is just as severe. The study shows that, on an average, people suffering from chronic pain earn 37% less than the someone not and are more prone to severe mental health conditions. Chronic pain can disrupts people’s daily life to a great extent. It can affect their ability to function at home and work and that impact people around them in a large way. Participation in social activities and hobbies could be interrupted which could lead to decreased self esteem. There are lot of other problems like fatigue, sleep disruption, lack of focus, loss of appetite and mood fluctuations. All these negative changes in the lifestyle can lead to increase in pain and low confidence and all this can result in depression and anxiety.

What can be done?

There are many therapies that are available, but none of them work in isolation. There is always a combination of two or more therapies that can be adopted to achieve better results and can be more effective.

Talk Therapy: Talk therapy is basically psychological counselling, where you pour your emotions out and will be helped without having the fear of being judged.

Mindfulness: This helps you to calm down, in which ever way works for you. It could be music, smell, art etc.

Cognitive behavioral Therapy: Helps you in facing the fear instead of avoiding it and teaches you to cope up with the pain you are going through. CBT treatment usually involves efforts to change thinking and behavioral patterns. 

Occupational Therapy: This therapy teaches you how to do everyday task differently to reduce the pain which has indirect impact on your pain.

Physical Therapy: Physical therapy involves exercises that stretch and strengthen your body, which can help reduce your pain. Yoga is one of the best form of exercise which works wonderfully well in this scenario.

Medication: Depression affects your brain, so drugs that work in your brain may prove beneficial. Common antidepressants may help ease your symptoms.

Guided Meditation: Meditation is a relaxing techniques  that helps in achieving mental, emotional and physical healing and stress relief.

Touch Therapy: Touch therapy like Reiki uses touch to change energy fields in your body.

How to make sure these therapies really work?

In parallel to medications and therapies, it is highly imperative to make lifestyle changes. Things to avoid and adopt.

  • Avoid alcohol
  • Avoid smoking
  • Avoid unnecessary stress
  • Adopt healthy diet
  • Adopt regular exercising
  • Adopt support group to learn from other people with similar conditions
  • Adopt time management skills
  • Adopt good habits, like positive thinking and sleeping on time.

Lets discuss step by step strategy to come out of endless loop of chronic pain.

Step 1. Identify the clues that your body gives when you are in pain. For example sweaty palms, neck and shoulders tighten etc.

Step 2. Identify your trigger points and try to walk away from that. For example if you don’t like someone try to avoid their company. This step will give you time to move to your next step.

Step 3. Indulge in relaxing therapy that is mind body techniques like deep breathing, splashing cold water on your face or drinking water or do a guided meditation.

Step 4. Once your body and mind calms down identify your feelings and needs. What are you longing for. Is it love, support, compassion from others or it could be as simple as food or sleep.

Step 5. Now this is a crucial step as now it’s a time to take action. If you know what you need, satisfy them and if you know what you want to feel, fulfill those feelings. But do all these in writing so that you can keep yourself accountable.

These steps might work but as they are just steps and not rules you are free to make changes that suits you.

There are many people who are suffering from these chronic pains and not even aware about it. So as a healthy community we need to help each other in understanding this better and empathizing with the sufferers.

This Post is a part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter Program.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.

Posted on

Holding A Grudge Can Affect Your Mental Health #MentalHealth #CauseAChatter

One of the most common self-defeating behavior I have come across is holding a grudge against others. Despite our best intentions, when push comes to shove, not forgiving and not forgetting is what we end up doing. The most sound advice we hear from people is “forgive and forget” but is very difficult to live up to. Am I right?

So when you find difficult to forgive someone just remember this saying from Mahatma Gandhi, – “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” I am sure this will definitely hurt your ego and you would be propel to forgive and forget.

Everything said and done for some people, holding a grudge may be the first step in accepting and acknowledging their feelings to themselves and to the person who they feel wronged them.

Why do people hold a grudge?

When they feel someone has let them down. However, it may be justifiable to be upset or resentful but a healthier approach may be to address the situation head-on with the person in question, especially as misunderstandings or misplaced expectations are often the roots of these issues.

But whatever the intentions or the cause of resentfulness, holding a grudge can end up hurting you as much as the person who caused it. Therefore, it is important to learn how one can begin to let go of their grudges and cope with the anger. Holding a grudge can effect physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing of the person.

The more you try to remember, the more traumatic the whole experience would be and can completely destroy your mental peace. Also remember you may think that remembering you past hurt will keep you guarded from getting hurt again but your wariness can make you so uptight and guarded that others find it takes too much effort to deal with you. You could end up safe but alone.

How holding a grudge affects mental health?

Not forgiving is as good as continuing to blame. It can be considered as powerful defence mechanism where in, you find a target for your anger and frustration. It does protect you from owning your flaws but making your problems someone else’s fault leaves you in a passive position. You may feel good as you have exempted yourself from the responsibility, however at the same time it is keeping you away from taking steps to remedy your situations. Nurturing negative feeling makes you more exposed to more unpleasant emotions and thoughts, which can poison your mindset toward negativity. When a person exaggerates his or her feeling to an extent that the act of holding a grudge becomes more painful than the event itself. Build-up resentments can lead to many mental health concerns like:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Self-Harm
  • Emotional Dysregulation
  • Suicidal

What kind of people have more tendency to hold grudges?

People who are more vulnerable towards jealousy, sensitivity, immaturity, negativity, and impulse control may be more apt to hold grudges. Cultural, lifestyle, parenting, environmental, genetic, and other factors may also contribute to an individual person’s tendency to hold resentments as well.

What kind of people are less likely to hold grudges?

Those who are more empathetic, resilient, have a better ability to self-regulate, and have stronger coping skills are less likely to hold grudges. Even certain lifestyle habits, including regular exercise, can also make you more forgivable and flexible.

“Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note- torn in two and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one”. – Henry Ward Beecher

We forgive when we no longer need to blame, we forget when we no longer need to remember…You agree?

Action plan to letting go grudges

  • Ask yourself what not forgiving and forgetting is costing you.
  • Acknowledge what the other person did wrong and what you would accept from him/her.
  • Ask yourself how you might have contributed to the problem.
  • Determine what you need to learn to prevent nasty experience again.
  • Move on in life.

Ways to letting go grudges

  • Be empathetic
  • Acceptance
  • Practice any form of exercise
  • Meditation
  • Self-care
  • Self-appreciation
  • Lean conflict management techniques
  • Start journalizing your feelings
  • Surround yourself with supportive and positive people

“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it”.

 ‘This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.’

This post is part of Blogchatter’s #CauseAChatter