“My unhappiness was the unhappiness of a person who could not say no.” – Dazai Osamu
Many of us has a fear of being judged, rejected or disliked if we share what we really feel. And saying No is one such thing that doesn’t come easily. Probably because we want to please everyone to the point that we feel completely stressed out. Rejection is one of the biggest reasons why people find difficult to say No. They feel if they say No they might disappoint people and might come across as a rude or appear unkind.
I feel one does this as he or she is not sure about herself or himself. It is an indication of low self confidence and self belief. So what one should do?
Remember few things :
Saying No doesn’t mean you are a bad person
Value yourself more than anyone else
How important is it to say “Yes”. How many of you doubted your decision after saying yes for something? And then how many of you thought of different ways to get out of it? I am sure most of you. Think about the kind of stress and resentment you must have gone through. Wouldn’t it be must easier to say no in the first place?
I have gone through a feeling of anguish, stress and resentment not just once but many times and realized its not worth it.
If you are able to answer these pointers, things will become much more easier.
What makes a life worth living for? Yes to make a life more meaningful, it has to have “PURPOSE”. In fact purpose guides decisions, influences behavior, shapes goals, offer a sense of direction and adds meaning to our lives and gives us mental peace that each one of us are craving for. A life without a purpose is a life where we don’t live we merely exist. Purpose be it small or big, conscious or unconscious, forms a fundamental of all human actions. The greatness of ones life depends upon what one lives for. If one wants to live well or act sensibly one needs to have purpose. Today people have everything to live with but nothing to live for as they lack purpose in life.
In relation to purpose their are two kinds of people, one who is externally motivated. They move from one contingent purpose to next. For example, while in school and college, they just want to pass. After that they want to get a job, once they get a job, their aim is to earn money and satisfy their needs, but once they enter a phase of life where they have everything and don’t have much expectations from life that’s when they begin to feel the pang of not having lived to a worthwhile purpose and might get into mental health issues. As someone rightly said, life becomes worth living, when their is a cause worth dying for. The second category of people are those who are self motivated, they take ownership of their life. They are few in numbers but are driven by self-embraced purpose. They understand that responsibility with accountability if practice with sustainability leads to credibility. They are responsive to external demands and do not get intimidated by external pressure.
So what category would you like to be in? I am sure the second one. Remember there are two known widespread epidemics, one is boredom and second one is depression. So if you don’t want to get caught in this clutter, try to find out your purpose in life.
Lets discuss purpose of life with respect to different aspects of life:
People who lead a purpose-less life are the ones who complains the most about not having time, are too busy as we say, ‘doing nothing’. And people who have identified their aim, never crib about not having time as they are busy doing what they are meant to be. Therefore if I say time is a function of purpose I won’t be wrong.
Consider life as a raw material, it has to be shaped into something significant through individual action. As the aphorism has it, ” Life is what God gives to us; personality, that is what we make of the life given to us, is what we give back to God”. Here individual action is, strength of character or will without which no good intention can be put to work and realized. How to we distinguish between good and bad and choose former? Is it not in relation to what we live for?
Discipline definitely remains one of the most important aspect of successful life and will do so forever. From the perspective of purpose-driven life, do’s and don’ts’ is the way to do what needs to be done. Not only does practice allow one to establish a positive action. It helps us train our minds and body and enables us to focus on our goals and to regulate our emotions.
Another aspect of purposeful life is practice what you believe in. Not only does practice allow one to establish a positive action. It helps us train our mind and body and enables us to focus on our goals and to regulate our emotions.
During pandemic things were difficult for most of us. But people with strong mindset and strong willed sailed through it as they knew how to create an opportunity and grab it too but people who felt intimidated are the one’s who took it as a treat and waited for the better days to come. If you are living a purposeless life you will feel weak and vulnerable as you will not know where life is taking you, so the more purposive we are the greater the control we have over ourselves and the greater our self control the clearer our sense of purpose. Therefore self mastery and self awareness reinforce each other and sustain purposiveness in life.
Embracing Unknown Future will reduce the anxiety. And if I say so I may not be wrong. Tomorrow’s graduates will be entering into the professional unknown as they will be taking up jobs which doesn’t exist now. But there is nothing to fear as it’s rightly said “Change is the only constant thing” and fearing that change will only cause you stress, so if one wants to increase their probability of success, accept the change, be the change and be proactive in the approach.
The fourth Industrial revolution is here and has brought opportunities that unfolds many stages of development. We all are standing at the edge of technological revolutions that will change the way we live, work and relate with one another. The transformation and scale of this revolution will be such that humankind have not experienced it before. As I said we don’t know how it will unfold, but it is surely going to be integrated and comprehensive as there will be fusion of technologies which will fade away the line between physical, digital and biological spheres and wherein public sector, private sectors, academia and civil society all will be part of it.
The 21stcentury has witnessed rapid change and many new jobs are the result of experimentation and complementary rather than replacing existing jobs. Lets see how and what future jobs are going to look like.
Wearable Technology Personalized Therapist
Wearable technology is something that you can wear, be it smart watches, fitness trackers which are mostly personalized. Today people are not just going through physical health issues but emotional health concerns too which has increased the demand for personalized therapist. These therapists will use AI and research to monitor the emotional health of their patients and give personalized therapies. The required skills would be High EQ and SQ, creative thinking , technical aptitude and analytical skills.
Recreating spaces for people who want to relive beautiful memories of past. Here a creator needs to do historical research and combine it with interior design skills to recreate the space which are the reflection of their favorite time of life. Basically they will develop virtual reality experience to help them to cherish those memories which will bring happiness and love in their lives.
As in real life , technology also comes with lot of ethical problems that emerges with the design, operation or use of robots in real life. For example using drones are still not legal in many countries, so to keep a track of their movements and tasks we require a profession that requires strong analytical and risk assessment skills in order to proactively assess the danger these machines can bring and how to control them by using specific action.
Best Out of Waste Creators
As we know India generates62 million tonnes of waste each year. About 43 million tonnes (70%) are collected of which about 12 million tonnes are treated and 31 million tonnes are dumped in landfill sites. Now Best out of waste creators will help in creating ways to reuse these waste by helping individual toat individual level. They will be responsible for creating new ideas and sharing it with general public, so that waste can be reused at the source itself and this can help in reduction in the volume of waste generation. This future job would help us to live in a more environment friendly way. The creator should have creative skills, engineering skills and good interpersonal skills so that they not just create innovative ideas but letting those ideas be acceptable by the people too.
Criminal Psychology Tapper
The crime rate in India is increasing year after year. No law or rule could create fear in these criminal minds. These criminal psychology tappers will not just have neurological understanding but emotional and analytical skills which will help them to understand how criminal mind works. Research conducted by Dustin Pardini, PhD, of the University of Pittsburgh, 26-year-old men with lower amygdala volumes are three times more likely to be aggressive, violent and to show psychopathic traits than the same age men with normal-sized amygdala, independent of factors including history of violence and social background. With the help of AI and neurological research, criminal psychology tapper will ensure to balance amygdala volume to balance the emotions and this may help in reduction in crime rate.
Farming Big Data Analyst
We know that a farmer is a person who works as an agriculturist and produces a wide variety of food products and to get better yield he also manipulates the environment by using, pesticides, fertilizers, crop rotation etc. Similarly farming big data analyst grows data from computer models and manipulates it , this can help them predict new trends for developing new and innovative products and services, regulate commerce and environment strategies. They do this with the help of simulation model where they work on algorithm and estimate things by assuming variables for their advantage.
As I said earlier, future jobs are going to be an unknown territory, nobody knows how it is going to be but one thing we are sure that technologies like Al, big data, block chain will be integrated with traditional way or working to give absolutely new and innovative working style. So prepare yourself working in diffuse mode of brain where-in you have to think out of the box. Most of these futuristic jobs are going to be fusion of different skills but the foundation will remain techno innovation with Al.
“Innovation is taking two things that already exist and putting them together in a new way” – Tom Freston
Today I am sharing something which many of us must have come across but not really shared with anyone due to the fear of being judged. Being a life and EQ Coach I always make sure that I do not disclose my clients identity or anything related to them. But today I am sharing something that can’t be explained without giving examples from my encountered with few of my clients.. So lets begin..
I am keeping their name and identity antonymous
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Therefore all of us need to remember that we accomplish great things if we look at problems face on rather than being held back by doubt and fear. I am sharing two examples who fought with their fear and came out as a winner.
Santosh is a 54 year old computer engineer at XYZ company, drives 130 km to work every day. One fine day while returning from office he met with an accident. As it was a minor accident, after a short rehabilitation he was fine physically but due to the trauma he remained injured mentally. He was terrified of driving but as he had no other option but to go to work, he braved it out as a car pool passenger. Mere thought of that accident used to disturb him.
Aruna is a 40 year old bank employee and mother of two. After 10 years of her blissful marriage she discovered that her husband is having an affair. She was so deeply hurt that she became the patient of paranoid disability disorder (PPD) . Someone who is always suspicious even when their is no reason to be. Despite her husband’s effort of making everything alright , she could not overcome the feeling of being cheated and became paranoid whenever he is out of sight. Due to all this her own life has come to standstill.
Can you tell me what is common in both the cases? Well, they both are trauma victims who are terrified by the fear of reoccurrence and always stayed in the feeling of helplessness.
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘ I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along” – Eleanor Roosevelt.
Traumas effects your life tremendously and shatters your belief and sense of safety. It is not always about trauma but also the fear that whatever happened will happen again. And when your fear takes away the place of trust you feel more vulnerable . And you feel if something like this happens again you will not be able to survive or will face an irreversible damage. Now this kind of anxiety can actually leads to withdrawal. And if it is exceptionally strong it can even lead to phobia, the ultimate form of avoidance.
The fear of reoccurrence can be devastating. In case of Aruna her anticipatory dread was so strong that even when her husband had to take late night calls, she would think he is lying and actually taking to a women. She was so terrified of other women that she stopped her husband from socializing. She even checked his phone to check his call history. If this continuous for long this paranoia of her can become the bigger threat to their marriage than her husband’s affair.
Now lets understand why does this happen? It is absolutely normal to feel bad or get upset if something unexpected and disturbing happens in your life. But the sooner you resume living, the less hurt you will be. But one needs to understand that being paranoid has it’s roots in early childhood. When a child has a trauma , such as falling from the stairs while climbing or hitting a wall while playing, he or she feels unprotected. If the parents make a big deal of something which is very tiny, that becomes a big deal even in child’s mind. They will feel that anything that upset’s mom and dad that much must be truly awful , so I better not to repeat it again. On the other hand if parents treats that trauma too lightly, the child could feel neglected or injured. In either case, the over obsession or feeling neglected is more frightening than the injury itself and can result in avoidance. So, when as an adult, a fresh trauma triggers the feeling, people generally protect themselves my forming a bubble around themselves or become obsessed by the fear of a reoccurrence.
“Nothing in life is to be feared, It is only to be understood “- Marie Curie
Therefore, smart parents comfort their traumatized child and encourage them to try it again before the fear becomes permanent. When the child climb the stairs without getting hurt, they learn to be resilient and will never fear to face the fear.
This is precisely what adults should also do when they are traumatized. Only by facing the fear, by getting on to the life and taking action, will help them to be more balanced and resilient. It is important that you start somewhere and take positive action before you surrender. In case of Santosh he took baby step, first he started driving on small streets, then to near by area before venturing to his office again.
In case of Aruna, she need to convince herself , first by acting it out as if she trust her husband. She should force herself to wish her husband a good trip when he goes out of town and should start attending gathering without clinging on him. Over a period of time if her husband proves himself trustworthy, she could do all of this for real and can get on with her life.
Suggestions to overcome fear
Understand that feeling vulnerable doesn’t make you weak. Accept the fear and take action to overcome that.
Accept that everything that happens cannot be controlled or prevented. So face it as and when they occur.
Realize apprehensions and avoidance cannot be the solution to any problem.
Resume your life as soon as possible. Take small steps but make sure you take.
Identify those people whom you can trust and those who are positive in life.
Take each action aiming to reduce fear.
Be resilient, give positive affirmation to yourself for example, if you can survive the trauma , then you can face anything in life and will come out as a winner.
To conquer fear isthe beginning of wisdom.” – Bertrand Russel
Disclaimer: Views expressed in this post are personal and for reading purposes only. They’re not medical advice. Each individual’s experience may vary. Please consult a professional if you need help.
In my previous post I have talked about How to develop job oriented skillset. In order to develop any skill it is imperative to understand the skills one needs to develop and for that very purpose we need to do skill mapping.
Skill mapping is similar to competency mapping the only difference is competency mapping is more in depth which includes things beyond skills, like behaviour. Skill mapping is a visual representation of the skills needed to perform well in any given role and comparing that with the existing skills. This comparison will allow to identify the gaps. Skills maps can provide a view of the entire team by showing the contributions and skills of each individual in the teams.
Need of Skill Mapping
Skill mapping will not only show the strength and weakness of a team but will benefit the company as a whole. Organizations and companies do this in order to get better clarity and insight about their employee’s skillset.
Skills mapping identifies which tasks and skills are crucial to the organization as only few employees can actually perform a certain task to a required level.
It helps in recommending what kind of training employee needs.
It can find the substitute candidate in case of emergency.
It allows tracking the progress of each team and individual.
Skill mapping benefitsthe team as the organization would know the skills required by the team before a project begins. It benefits the employee as they could identify their strengths and weaknesses and accordingly can train themselves. It benefits the company, as they know what skill sets they require and accordingly hire people. While doing skills mapping they could clearly see available skills and missing skills and empower their employees with required skills or hire people with skills which are needed to reach company’s goal. A team that is aware about their strengths and weaknesses can work on upgrading their skills and in turn company gets the benefits so the company benefits mean good news to the clients.
Skill mapping provides immense benefits and the best way to visualize proficiency level is by using the tool called SkillMatrix. A skill matrix is a snapshot of all the employees skills laid out in matrix form.
How to make Skill Matrix?
Create one skill matrix for each department or a team. List down names of all the employees and their role down the left hand column and all their skills across the top row. Then enter the proficiency levels for each employee for each skill until the matrix is filled. Measuring proficiency varies from organization to organization.
Firstly, it is important to determine what kind of skills are required for a particular project. This input will list down the competencies that you’ll assess the team members on.
Secondly, assess the team member on their current skill level.
Some organizations divides their capabilities in 4 group
Basic level of capability
Intermediate level of capability
Advanced level of capability
Some organization uses 5 point scale, to determine knowledge and experience of their employees
No experience or knowledge
Little experience or knowledge
Reasonable experience or knowledge
Considerable experience or knowledge
Expert experience or knowledge
Thirdly, the skills matrix may show that you have someone competent at a crucial task – but if the person is unwilling to perform the task, you will still hit a dead end. For each person, you’d want to know whether they have:
No interest in applying this skill or knowledge
Interested in applying this skill or knowledge
Lastly, incorporate all the information in the matrix and analyze.
You can find different types of skill matrix, so use what suits you the best or create one which works for you. Please find some of the examples below
For any project to be a successful it is important to make sure you have the right people and the right skills to start quickly and finish the job successfully. In such scenario the skills matrix, or competency matrix, is your best friend.
Being a mental health advocate, I was thrilled with the announcement of “Mental Health and R&D been given a top most priority in the budget 2022. Pandemic has taken a toll on the mental health, which is quite obvious when you look at these two prominent facts, one in four people are suffering from depression, while one in five are struggling with anxiety. And as pandemic continues , we might see things getting worse. Many of us are facing challenges that can be stressful, overwhelming and cause strong emotions. Public health measures that includes social distancing, lockdown, economic insecurity, school and business closure can make us feel isolated and lonely and can lead to severe depression and anxiety. And the worst part, is people are not even aware that they are suffering with some kind of mental health issues as they are unable to think beyond Covid 19.
In such a scenario government coming up with proposals like establishing National Tele Mental Health programme in India is considered as a boon.
What Is National Tele Mental Health programme ?
The National Tele Mental Health programme is launched to improve access to quality mental health counselling and care services which will consist of digital registries of health providers and health facilities, unique health identity, consent framework, and universal access to health facilities. Government has announced the creation of 23 tele-mental health facilities, with the National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences (NIMHANS), Bangalore, serving as the nodal center. Nimhans’ role is to conceptualize the programme, develop the training content, train the counsellors of centers of excellence and monitor the programme. The toll free number finds a mention in the health ministry’s website, the CoWIN portal and the counselling is available in 13 languages. More than 650 doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, counsellors and psychiatric nurses working in government hospitals across India are involved in the helpline.
Today, people are no longer sticking to same kind of job throughout their life, therefore, career for life is no longer an option. Most people work under variety of employers and move across different industries. And how do they do this? They work on their job oriented skillsets.
What is a skill? A skill is an ability to perform an activity in a competent manner. The skill can be classified as transferable, based on personality traits and knowledge based skills.
What is a skillset? A skillset is a combination of abilities, qualities and experience you can apply to perform any task. Each person will have different skillset according to their interest, natural abilities, personal qualities and technical skills.
As an employability coach, I define employability as a set of skills that includes skills, understanding and personal attributes. A fresher is called to be employable if they posess all of these , that will lead to success in their chosen profession. These set of achievements will benefit themselves, the workplace, the community and the economy.
Most of the people are not just worried about getting the job but how can they be successful throughout their working life. This can only be achieved if they broaden their skill sets and attributes to fit into anything and everything by being more adaptable.
According to The American Society for Training and Development (ASTD), employees should own 6 skill sets
Basic Competency Skills: includes reading, writing, computation skills
Communication Skills: includes listening and speaking skills
Adaptability Skills: includes problem solving and creative skills
Development Skills: includes goal setting, motivation, career planning skills
Group Effectiveness Skills: includes team work, negotiation and interpersonal skills
Influencing Skills: leadership and understanding organizational culture skills
Parents can be the biggest allies or worst enemies when it comes to dealing with children and adolescent. Their denial of their child’s mental health issues can complicates things and can worsen the situation. There are so many therapies available which kids or anybody who is suffering from mental health conditions can be benefitted from. But I see most of the times parents ignore the seriousness of the situation and write it off as defiant behavior, active imagination or they just hope their child will grow out of things such as torturing animals and setting fires. Denial is one of the defense mechanism and can be extremely unhealthy in the long run.
Conduct problems have become very common among students and adolescents in our society. And the reason could be many, to name a few
But first it is important to understand what is Conduct Disorder?
Conduct Disorder is a mental condition. The behaviour goes beyond normal bullying to hurting people to Intensive disregard for societal norms and the rights, feeling, and personal space of other people. Children with conduct disorder are often difficult to diagnosed, as all kids act out sometimes. It is only when extreme behaviour shows up over a long period of time and isn’t caused by the child’s environment. And also if major age appropriate societal norms are violated or if their is a significant impairment in everyday functioning at home or school can be labeled as Conduct Disorder.
When we talk about normal behavior, it depends on the child’s age, character, and physical and emotional development. If their behaviour doesn’t match with family or societal expectations or is disruptive, it may become a problem. And that’s when intervention is needed.
Ecommerce has given a new dimension to economic growth and added more value to business and customers. I believe after the Industrial revolution the biggest development seen in the business world is the emergence of e-commerce which will revolutionize economic growth. The world is witnessing a digital revolution involving the internet and the use of websites all around the world has set the stage for e-commerce. Essentially this new economy is the digital economy that offers the most important facilities, the capacity to make transactions beyond the border, time, and space.
Ecommerce has enormous growth potential and is going to be the driving force of economic development. It is important to understand the true potential of e-commerce if we want to see structural change in our economy. Ecommerce has been there for the last two decades in some other form, be it fax, telephone, Tv, Electronic payment, electronic data interchange, money transfer system, etc. But the spread of the Internet has become the new forcer popularizing it. The internet provides access twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, anytime anywhere. Therefore, time and place are no longer a constraint. Though E-commerce is built on the traditional business structure but offers the flexibility of electronic networks that led to improvement in operations and as a result substantial cost saving as well as increasing competitiveness and efficiency through redesigning of traditional business.
Recently we have witnessed many countries attaining a higher level of development. The reason behind this massive development is E-commerce, as it has given a new dimension to economic growth thereby creating a conducive environment for further development.
Parents want the best in life for their children, a major part of their time and effort is directed towards their child. Children are always their priority and raising them in a healthy environment and taking good care of them is all that they could think of. Parenting is not inherent, it’s an art that has to be cultivated. Sometimes as a parent while dealing with our children, we tend to forget our childhood, its joys, and sorrows, its pleasure and difficulties. Things which children enjoy immensely like splashing in a muddy puddle, borrowing in the sand, imitating teachers, frolicking in the rain, this might seem useless to parents and the only thing they look for is how to discipline them so that they don’t make them embarrassed in front of others. Remember discipline does not mean putting an undue restriction on children. It is an ongoing process that requires giving specific instructions that are clear cut with a lot of clarity. As every child is unique and acquiring new skills every day, parents need to be patient and should not treat them like a puppet. The right kind of discipline is one of the keys to having a happy home and is also essential for the holistic development and well-being of every child. Discipline varies with age, needs, and situations.