According to HelpGuide – “Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you”.
I have talked about seven rainbow rules to increase Emotional Intelligence in my earlier post.
There are four key skills which helps you to increase your EQ – Self Awareness, Self Management, Social Awareness and Relationship Management.
These skills can be developed but prior that it is important to understand how to deal with emotions. If I say it’s our thoughts which creates emotions, I won’t be wrong.
Now there are two common beliefs which contradict each other. First -you should always trust emotions and second – is feelings are irrational and cannot be trusted. In reality both these beliefs are wrong.
People generally ask questions like should emotions be trusted, So if you understand that your thoughts create your emotions, you can learn how to control your thoughts. Emotions are just body reactions to what you are thinking in various situations. They are neither right nor wrongs it is just reacting to your thoughts. Unhappy is an emotion, you can be unhappy because you don’t have something you desire but you are unhappy because of the thought of not having something you desire.
Your unconscious mind is always working , that’s why sometimes people have no idea why do they feel the way they do. Sometimes people’s emotions get triggered by cues which we get from the environment but most of the times it is our thoughts which triggers our emotions. It is our interpretation of the situation that causes emotional reaction to the situation.
There is something called as CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) which provide us evidence that we have control over our thoughts and that’s when we can actually control our emotions. This is difficult but this skill can be learned. For that you need to recognize the negative emotion, you identify the thought behind it and then you can change the emotion. If you succeed in doing that , you can have better personal and professional relationships, which in turn can accelerate your success.
There are three ways through which you can change thoughts in order to change your emotions. This really works well if some negative thoughts are not letting you be productive and making your life difficult.
Distraction
Focus on something else when you are experiencing undesirable emotion or negative emotion and then identify that the cause is what you are thinking about. So basically you are changing the subject of your thinking. For example when you are talking to a person and your view point does not matches his or her , you try to change the topic so that you do not lend up in any kind of conflict or an argument which can cause disturbance in your relationship. We use this strategy to control kids tantrums too. Distraction can shift the focus for a time being and gives you enough space to overcome that negative emotion.
Think Positive
Stop thinking about the thought that are triggering your negative emotions and then the emotion will stop. Try to think positive of the situation for example you feel jealous of someone as you don’t have something which the other person possess. So you are encountering negative emotion because you are thinking of what you don’t have, instead consider it as an inspiration. Try to motivate yourself so that you can achieve or have what the other person has. This is great but sometimes these negative thoughts aren’t going to go away that easily. They have momentum and have strong hold but if you persistently focus, it can actually help you to reach for a new perspective that helps you to think differently about the situation and therefore feel better.
People react differently in different situations. So the difference in the emotional response had nothing to do with the situation but it is their perspective that they took towards the situation.
Ignore/Protect and Observe Thoughts
Do not take negative thoughts seriously, try to ignore people and things which are bringing negative thoughts. Protect yourself from people and things around you who are a negative influence. Lastly observe yourself , what is causing these negative thoughts, take a full control of your self which will take time but eventually with practice you can master this and will be able to interrupt your thoughts before your emotions spiral out of control.
@SwatiMathur
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This is absolutely true and you have put it here so well. It is important to work on EQ and IQ both.
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I think it’s more important working on our EQ than IQ. IQ just makes us run in life. EQ lets us be calm.
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One thing I often do is breathe through any negative or emotional moments and just allow it to rest for a time so I don’t react poorly.
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I agree totally here.. This is so true.. Emotional intelligence and character is paramount in any organization
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I have heard about emotional intelligence but dont know much about it. I agree that distraction and ignoring negative thoughts can help us stay in better control of our emotions.
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true, EQ is important. i really liked your 3 pointers, and definitely managing ourselves is a much better and easier option than trying to manage another person.
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Love how you’ve beautifully justified the correlation between EQ & IQ, Swati. You’re a pro; no doubts about this!
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Thank you so much dear for such a lovely comment
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This is such an important topic for the current times. I believe that developing EQ is more important than increasing IQ. They tend to be better individuals in life too.
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EQ often goes unattended and more stressed is given on IQ but to find a balance between the two is very important. And now in the current situation, having a strong EQ is very important.
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Negative emotions are tough to get over sometimes but with practice and conscious thoughts we can win over them. These are good tips for life, not just corporate life.
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I so much agree with you that Emotional intelligence is really important and glad you have shared this topic so brilliantly!!
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Your tips are always on point, easy to follow and very practical too. It is such a good thing you are doing to inspire people to improve their lives!
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Ignore protect and preserve thoughts – wowm what an excellent way to deal with this. Something surely to dwell upon
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EQ was never given importance until now ..I love the way you have shared some relevant tips that can help us out
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Indeed, IQ and EQ both are important! Thinking positive and refraining from negative thoughts is the essence for a happy and healthy mind and soul!
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Very well written post dear and I agree it is very important to take control of our negative thoughts. surrounding yourself with positive people and positive thing is most important step that always help. also, adopting a healthy lifestyle is also must to reduce stress and improve mental health.
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EQ is equally important in current times juts like IQ, I like how relevant tips you have shared here. will share with my family and friends
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Loved reading this and it is indeed important to work on our EQ and IQ both. I always love reading your tips on such topics 🙂
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This is completely true. We have to work on EQ and IQ both. You have put down everything so nicely.
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You have written this so well. Both EQ n IQ are very important and need to be worked upon.
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This is truly an informative article as Emotional Intelligence matters. Distracting your thoughts to control a particular feeling or negative vibe is a great solution indeed.
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I agree totally with every word u shared. In India, we only go for Intelligence quotient. There is no emotional at all. That is why we are raising dysfunctional kids who are unable to control their lives or cope with any situation.
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Building a well emotional quotient is a huge task and once you excel in it then sky is the limit. I agree with your pointers listed, one can turn jealousy to the positive way and consider it as motivation to achieve the milestone.
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Glad you have written on the extremely crucial aspect of one’s personality, i.e., Emotional Intelligence. Just like basic manners, instilling good habits, acknowledging EQ among the young generation may help them deal better with any negative situation.
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I am glad to see we have started having this discussion around Emotional Intelligence, something which was ignored for generations. It is as crucial as any other parameter in the human body and life.
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Distraction and positive thinking is the key to avoid negative emotions. You have explained the three points nicely which helps us to deal with the negative emotions. Thanks for writing this!
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I have always been the logic before emotions kind. However with passing years I have also learnt to listen to my heart. I believe it is important to balance both in life.
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When negative thought strike you it become difficult to think positive or distract from the thought. I tried many times but they are great points.
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The concept of EI and EQ is gaining momentum among people, especially during and post-lockdown. A good combination of high EQ & IQ can assure you of a happy life.
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Another master blog post, your blog posts are always helpful and insightful! Thanks for sharing 🙂
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Thanks Atul..I am glad you liked it
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